Need a smile? the ZARADOZIA awesome joke thread

[KORBIN5895]

Oh we need a new thread on those last topics! So much to say. But I must say I giggled at the immigrants one also.

[alessia55]

LOL Zara! Loved that video. Put me in a good mood to wake up this morning

[Devorah]

Originally Posted by Lankyrob

Here is an idea i came up with in my philosophy class at age 15, i was almost EXPELLED from school fro submitting this. I believe the question we had to answer was "How can the government deal with prisoners more effectively (less reoffending) and raise money for a better society at teh same time"

My answer was ..............

We should set up "Sin Houses" - in these houses you can hire prostitutes legally, they will be given healthcare, treated as employees so that all employment laws cover them, and the prices will include a tax element that the government can collect. Also in these houses will be rooms where violent prisoners will be kept, for a price public can enter these rooms with complete impunity and do anything they like to punish these criminals, you can have additional charges for renting weapons etc to use on the criminals.

These punishment rooms will severely reduce the number of repeat offenders and remove the likelihood of prostitutes getting stuck in the drug addiction/having to prostitute themselves cycle.

Actually I'm all for implementing "caning' for minor criminal offenses- vandalism, f'r instance. Just like they have in Singapore. There is virtually no petty crme at all. It could be televised on the pay stations or live-streamed on youtube. The implement used is a rattan cane, wielded by a big strong bouncer-type guy. Rattan is known for its effect on human skin; people are left with scars. Thus, there is no possibility of "toughing it out".

[Devorah]

But, enough of that; I should share a joke on this thread, I suppose. Well, one of my faves, which i can tell to very few people, has Heisenberg (he of the "uncertainty principle") racing down the highway in a sports car. He cop stomps over to the car and angrily demands to know: Do you know how fast you were going!!!??? Heisenberg looks up at him and replies: " No, but I know where I am!"

[ZARADOZIA]

Good for a giggle- at least it made me smile.


Shaquille O’Neal’s girlfriend, Nicole Alexander, carries him piggy back on the Jimmy Kimmel show. Shaq is 7'2" 350-pounds, his Girlfriend is 5'2" and wearing high heels.

[KORBIN5895]

She must have some set of legs!!

[ZARADOZIA]

Liquid Confidence.





For the Psych Majors

[jarich]

Love Eddie! Thanks for the laugh Zaradozia

[ZARADOZIA]

Originally Posted by jarich

Love Eddie! Thanks for the laugh Zaradozia

My pleasure. He is my favorite too. I have been trying to decide what to get my son for xmas and finally figured it, inspired by a conversation I had with a friend last night, of which Eddie was the "instigator" so to speak...
I have purchased 5 Eddie DVD's so far for xmas, hoping to get the others too. I will be "World's Greatest Mom" again. lol Although this year I think we are going to play Scavenger Hunt with the Xmas presents. (Makes the opening last longer)

[alessia55]

Lol! That video about Pavlov's cats was really funny I'd never heard of Eddie Izzard before

[ZARADOZIA]

Originally Posted by alessia55

Lol! That video about Pavlov's cats was really funny I'd never heard of Eddie Izzard before

OMG..Child, go to YouTube, Type in Eddie Izzard, and start learning! LOL It's best if you can get the skits in order or buy the dvd's. He is a History Major and has probably forgotten more about History than we have learned. He is in a lot of movies too. I am sure you have seen them but never knew it was him. Eddie is an Icon.

On the Army

On WWII

For the Christopher Walken Fans

Filmography-

Snow White and the Huntsman

Cars 2

Believe: The Eddie Izzard Story

Eddie Izzard: Live From Wembley

Every Day

Rage

The Day of the Triffids

The Riches: Season 02

Igor

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

Valkyrie

The Riches

Across the Universe

Ocean's Thirteen

My Super Ex-Girlfriend

The Wild

Romance & Cigarettes

The Aristocrats

5 Children & It

Eddie Izzard: Definite Article Live

Ocean's Twelve

Renegade

Eddie Izzard: Live - Sexie

Revengers Tragedy

We Know Where You Live. Live!

All The Queen's Men

The Cat's Meow

Eddie Izzard: Circle

Circus

Shadow of the Vampire

The Criminal

Eddie Izzard: Dress to Kill

Mystery Men

The Life of Python, Vol. I: It's...The Monty Python Story

The Life of Python, Vol. II

The Life of Python, Vol. III: The Lost German Episode

The Avengers

Velvet Goldmine

Eddie Izzard: Glorious

The Secret Agent

Eddie Izzard: Unrepeatable

It's Just a Ride

The Life of Python

2007 The Riches [TV Series]

[Lankyrob]

Eddie is NOT an ICON - his is a LEGEND!!!

[shaunyboy]

Originally Posted by ZARADOZIA

I LOVE this one!!! Nice analogy! Certainly hits the nail on the head and gets the point across

^^^^^
thats the best sign i've EVER seen pal

cheers shaun

[shaunyboy]

Originally Posted by alessia55

I thought the "old friends" one was kinda cute though. I'm kind of afraid of growing old though

imo growing old means you've lived

livings what lifes all about is it not ?

so theres nothing to fear in getting old pal

cheers shaun

[ZARADOZIA]

**Disclaimer!!!
Men- DO NOT READ- You won't like it.
Women - Read it! You will Love it! (And if you don't like it, pretend you didn't read it)
Clause: These statements do not necessarily reflect my personal views, as I love the male gender,
However this is too cute to pass up.**

Originally Posted by Email from My Friend Sandie

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free. Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.


1. Men are like Laxatives: They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like Bananas: The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like Weather: Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like Blenders: You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like Chocolate Bars: Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like Commercials: You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores: Their clothes are always 1/2 off!

8. Men are like Government Bonds: They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like Mascara: They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like Popcorn: They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms: You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like Lava Lamps: Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots: All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

CHALLENGE:
Ok Guys- See if you can beat the list 1-13, point for point.
**Remember this is suppose to be funny, ironic, & witty.