Best One-Liners

[Invictus]

-- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Best bumper sticker EVER:

Honk if you want to see my gun!

[Artemis]

hahahahaha loving the eagles and weasels ken, and the missed carpayments one was a scream too!

These ones always make me laugh:

Horn broken, watch for finger. (as a bumpersticker moreso than a one liner)

Work Harder, millions on welfare depend on you.

Earth First, we'll screw up the other planets later.

Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.

Jesus loves you, everyone else thinks your an ***hole!


Peace out

Artemis

[Samba]

"Unlike computers, women reject 3 1/2 FLOPPYS"

THE best Bumper Sticker EVER!!! LOL This one's on my truck! =)

[Vengeance]

"Obey gravity, It's the law!"

"You know you're an engineer if you have no life & can prove it mathematically. "

"When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you "

"Time flies when you are sick and psychotic. "

"The ozone layer or cheese in a spray can. Dont make me choose. "

"The beatings will continue until morale improves. "

"Make it idiot-proof, and someone will make a better idiot. "

"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? "

"I dont know what your problem is, but I'll bet its hard to pronounce. "

"I cant be fired,slaves are sold. "

"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense. "

"90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at. "

[corr]

Originally posted by Vengeance
"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? "

ROFL I'm gonna use this on my daughter! She wants to become a vegetarian and I keep telling her we need meat!

[daver676]

"So many stupid people, so few meteorties."

"Nice pants. But they would look better on my floor."

"Keep honking. I'm reloading."

"My dad can beat up your Dad!"

"I bent my wooky."

"He's been feeding that potato for 2 weeks."

[TheRedDragon]

Awww... how cute, he thinks he's a people!

How can I miss you if you don't go away?

Don't piss me off, I'm running out places to hide the bodies.

I do what the voices in my head tell me to do.

In heaven, all the interesting people are missing.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, mortal, for thou art crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

What am I? Flypaper for freaks!

[Knightmare113]

"Honk if you want to see my gun" Thats awesome.

Here's a few more:

"If practice makes perfect, and Nobodys perfect, Then why pratice?"

Few more for the veggies here

"There's plenty of room for all of Gods animals. Right next to the mashed potatoes."

"VEGETERIAN: Old Indian word for poor hunter"

I,ve got that one right next to my snake viv. Always gets a chuckle for those who see it.

And for those other Americans:
"Protect the second ammendment, it's the one that protects all the rest"

[ChurleR]

Heart attacks -- Mother Nature's way of getting back at those that eat all the animals.

[Chelydraman]

Here are a few my friend made up that I think are funny

"If I was the A&W Bear I would take advantage of my celebrity status to score with chicks"

"If you eat cats eat the red one's last for @#$@ sakes eat the red ones last"

"I think the car from Knight Rider stole my wallet"

"The single biggest mistake the smurfs ever made was giving me their magic flute"

"Ya know what I hate? I hate it when people come up behind me grab my a** and say "Just like Mom's" I hate that"

and that's all I got for now

[justinO]

I don't suffer from Insanity, I enjoy every minute of it..

True story: one time, just to see their reaction, i told somebody that the apocolypse was in my pants.. they replied with "just because you have a small ****, it's not the end of the world"...

[VI Reptiles]

You know your addicted to the internet when....

you kiss your gf's home page

your bookmark takes 15 mins to scroll up and down

your eyeglasses have a website burned into them

you find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search

you refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines

you finally take the vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop

You spend half the plane trip with your lap top on your lap..... and your child in the overead compartment

All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1... T3

And even your night dreams are in HTML

you find yourself "com" after every period when using a word processor.com.

You refer as going to the bathroom as downloading - one of my favorits

Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site adress in prin or on TV, even though youv never had heart problems before.

You step out of your room and realize your parents have moved and you dont have a clue when they left.

You turn on the intercom when leaving the room so you hear when a e-mail arrives.

Your wife drapes a blond wig over the monitor to remind you of what she looks like

all of your friends have an @ in there name.

When looking at a pagefull of somone else's likes, you notice all of them are highlighted in purple.

your dog has his/her own home page

Youv already visited all the links at yahoo and half way through lycos

you cant call your mother, she doesnt have a modem

you realize there is no sound in the house and you have no idea where your children are.

I will list more later i have 39 more jokes.......................

[JimmyDavid]

I'm not trying to make a fool out of you. You can manage that by yourself.

[michaelman25]

funny question



if someone has a split personalitly and they threaten to kill themselves is it a hostage situation?

[zero&stich]

Youth is in the eye of the beholder. At 65, your body craps out!

I love New York. It's the Damn Yankies I hate!(Best bumper ever)