Best One-Liners

[Slipknot]

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the
middle of it.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.

Never buy a car you can't push.

Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

[boyblue]

if it was worth doing i would have done it already

everyone is entitled to be stupid but your abusing the privelege

trust me-yellow snow is not a new flavor

being good at stupid doesnt count

i refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person

an optimist is a loser who doesnt know it yet

i dont discriminate, i hate everone

trust your instincts people really dont like you

2nd place is 1st loser

growing old is mandatory growing up is optional

fat people are hard to kidnap

save the trees, wipe your @$$ with an owl

do you wash your cloths with windex?
cuz i can see myself in your panties

[Boakid]

Dunno if we've had this one, but

Go play with the traffic

[nita]

A few more I like.

I'll try anything once twice if I like it. ( I used to have this on a t-shirt back in high school )

Dogs fine beware of wife.

I have one nerve left and your getting on it.

Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.