Need a smile? the ZARADOZIA awesome joke thread

[ZARADOZIA]

USELESS INFORMATION ...

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee
(Hardly seems worth it.)

Hippo milk is pink.
(Ew)

Drivers kill more deer than hunters.
(…)

The IRS employee’s tax manual has instructions for collecting taxes after a nuclear war.
(Go Figure!)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)

A completely blind chameleon will still take on the colors of its environment.
(Sad. I know completely sighted people that can’t even dress appropriately.)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out enough energy to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
(Creepy.) (still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Do not try this at home...... maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes... lucky pig.. can you imagine??)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmm! mmmm........)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animal that has four knees.
Elephants are the only animal that cannot jump.
(OK, so that would be a good thing....)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)


An ostrich's eye is bigger than its ! brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

[millertime89]

I've seen those before, but they still make me laugh.

[stephanbakir]

Rofl, good read
Quick question regarding that last one... I had a dog that humped chairs for 6 years and we never once got babies, I'm assuming he did it because it felt good :P

[ZARADOZIA]

Originally Posted by stephanbakir

Rofl, good read
Quick question regarding that last one... I had a dog that humped chairs for 6 years and we never once got babies, I'm assuming he did it because it felt good :P

LOL Great point! I have no idea...

Noisy animals are not my forte. I am not much of a dog person and I really don't care for male dogs for reasons stated above.

[Snakefood]

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Do not try this at home...... maybe at work.)


This explains alot!!

when I worked at the vets, we had a paper red target taped to the wall for just such occassions, and at the vets those occassions happen alot!!!

[Snakefood]

hey, hey, hey!!! My male dog doesn't hump anything!!! My little female Rattie does though!!

[ZARADOZIA]

Oh Good Grief! LOL

[alessia55]

A dog that is NOT neutered/spayed humps people/objects to release sexual frustration (since they too have sexual cycles that urge them to mate), or as an act of dominance. Some female dogs hump male dogs or other female dogs as a way to display dominance. A dog that IS neutered may will do the same because removing the organ does not remove the hormones.

Back to the thread topic though... I didn't know that starfish had no brains... but did you know that starfish eat by ejecting their stomachs and taking in their food directly into their stomachs that way?

[ZARADOZIA]

Originally Posted by alessia55

Back to the thread topic though... I didn't know that starfish had no brains... but did you know that starfish eat by ejecting their stomachs and taking in their food directly into their stomachs that way?

Ew. Didn't know that either...lol

[UwabamiReptiles]

Those are funny.

[Kayla90]

Wooo Polar Bears for the win!!!!
Left-Handedness all the way :P

[Kayla90]

Originally Posted by Kayla90

Wooo Polar Bears for the win!!!!
Left-Handedness all the way :P

:O But apparently I did comment of this thread before.. though I have no idea what I was talking about XD

[Lankyrob]

God made all people equal but some are more equal than others

Righthanded people were practice moulds for Lefties

[ZARADOZIA]

LOL I'm ambidextrous. Comes in handy since I do my own nails.

[Lankyrob]

I am too, left hand dominant but can use both hands for everything, tho now i dont practice writing righthanded it is a bit scrawly.