noah's ark

[Ian]

In the year 2004, The Lord came unto Noah, who was now
living in Canada,
and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and
over-populated and I
see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark
and save two of every
living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have six
months to build the Ark
before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and
40 nights".
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah
weeping in his yard but no ark.
"Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the rain!
Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have
changed. I needed a building permit.
I've been arguing with the inspector
about the need for a sprinkler
system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the
neighbourhood zoning laws by
building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height
limitations. We had to go to
the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
Then Transport Canada and the Departments of
Highways and Hydro demanded
a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power,
trolley and other overhead obstructions,
to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea.
I argued that the sea would be coming to us, but
they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban
on cutting local trees in
order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the
environmentalists that I needed
the wood to save the owls. But no go! When I started
gathering the animals, I got
sued by an animal rights group.They insisted that I was
confining wild animals against
their will. As well, they argued the accommodation was
too restrictive and it was
cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined
space.
Then Environment Canada ruled that I couldn't build
the Ark until they'd conducted
an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the
Human Rights Commission on how
many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building
crew.
Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons.
They insist I have to hire only Union
workers with Ark building experience.
To make matters worse, the Canada Customs and
Revenue Agency seized all my
assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country
illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten
years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're
not going to destroy the world?".
"No", said the Lord. "The Government beat me to it"