Bad News...

Paratoxins · 12-07-13, 09:33 PM

Well, my mother and fiance are fighting because he lost the job he just started because he injured himself... and as a result, she's taking back all his presents.. and mine for wanting to keep him as a partner..

This means no Padma... and no blood python... I'm very heart broken.. I was so looking forward to giving Padma a loving home...

infernalis · 12-07-13, 09:38 PM

sorry to hear this, sounds petty.. not a good holiday spirit.

Hope things work out.

Paratoxins · 12-07-13, 09:39 PM

Nope... and thanks... I'm utterly crushed and feel no holiday cheer left in me..

Hotchkiss · 12-07-13, 11:27 PM

That's awful! D: Why is your mother reacting like that? surely he didn't hurt himself on purpose, And I would be disappointed if you were as shallow as to dump someone for getting hurt.

Primal Rage · 12-08-13, 06:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hotchkiss

That's awful! D: Why is your mother reacting like that? surely he didn't hurt himself on purpose, And I would be disappointed if you were as shallow as to dump someone for getting hurt.

Just remember, your only getting one side of the story. Most states in the US have workers compensation laws. These protect the worker,and the employer as well. If he did nothing "wrong" his employer could be liable for wrongful termination, workers comp, and pain and suffering as well.

I worked in HR for a couple years for a very large industrial manufacturer and know a few things regarding this subject. The only time anyone was terminated after an accident, was if they failed a drug test. Their medical bills were covered, but they did not receive workers compensation or any further employment.

Again I am only speculating. There could be a number of other things that happened. If he feels he was "wronged" by his former employer, he should get a lawyer. However, some of what I said might explain why his mom is so pissed. Just my 2 cents

Paratoxins · 12-08-13, 07:18 AM

All I know is he was too prideful to ask someone to help him lift something and hurt his back. He's always had back problems. He asked for the rest of the day off(which bugged me) and they let him go instead since it was his first day.

He has a long history of employment problems, so we do struggle a lot. It's been a year now that this has been going on but I still hold faith that he'll find something suitable for him, because he really isn't cut out for excessively physical jobs, like warehouse jobs. He needs to be like a cashier or something...

He did have a job for 3 months just recently but got terminated for using the bathroom too often. He's diabetic and has IBS to boot. It was a customer service job(which I still work at), and instead of openly saying it was the bathroom breaks, they called it call avoidance instead. At the time, we didn't have a doctor's note to shut them up and they terminated his health insurance before we could go to get one. I personally watched him to make sure he wasn't goofing and he did fine. He did nothing wrong other than going to the bathroom frequently.

I don't know anything about worker's comp or how it works. All I know is Kentucky is a fire at will state. They can fire you with no warning at all, so you may not have a job tomorrow.

My mother's fed up with him, and, in turn for having faith and wanting to stay with him, is punishing me, as well, even though I'm trying my best to stay out of their argument. I don't want to choose a side. For her, it's either I leave him and he goes back to his respective state, or I'm condemned. She's convinced he doesn't want to work and that he's worthless despite having a husband that's about as bright as a brick and also has problems with keeping a job due to anxiety problems and making mistakes. She also does not believe in drawing disability or social security and has said many timesnthatbshe would divorce her husband if he even considered that and would also never accept my fiance if he did.

I just don't know... just last week she was saying how thankful she was for him because he's made me mature so much and how she genuinely likes him and now they're at each other's throats... I just want to live a peaceful life..

Primal Rage · 12-08-13, 07:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paratoxins

All I know is he was too prideful to ask someone to help him lift something and hurt his back. He's always had back problems. He asked for the rest of the day off(which bugged me) and they let him go instead since it was his first day.

He has a long history of employment problems, so we do struggle a lot. It's been a year now that this has been going on but I still hold faith that he'll find something suitable for him, because he really isn't cut out for excessively physical jobs, like warehouse jobs. He needs to be like a cashier or something...

He did have a job for 3 months just recently but got terminated for using the bathroom too often. He's diabetic and has IBS to boot. It was a customer service job(which I still work at), and instead of openly saying it was the bathroom breaks, they called it call avoidance instead. At the time, we didn't have a doctor's note to shut them up and they terminated his health insurance before we could go to get one. I personally watched him to make sure he wasn't goofing and he did fine. He did nothing wrong other than going to the bathroom frequently.

I don't know anything about worker's comp or how it works. All I know is Kentucky is a fire at will state. They can fire you with no warning at all, so you may not have a job tomorrow.

My mother's fed up with him, and, in turn for having faith and wanting to stay with him, is punishing me, as well, even though I'm trying my best to stay out of their argument. I don't want to choose a side. For her, it's either I leave him and he goes back to his respective state, or I'm condemned. She's convinced he doesn't want to work and that he's worthless despite having a husband that's about as bright as a brick and also has problems with keeping a job due to anxiety problems and making mistakes. She also does not believe in drawing disability or social security and has said many timesnthatbshe would divorce her husband if he even considered that and would also never accept my fiance if he did.

I just don't know... just last week she was saying how thankful she was for him because he's made me mature so much and how she genuinely likes him and now they're at each other's throats... I just want to live a peaceful life..

He went home on the first day without finishing work is kind of a red flag for me. His employment history is another big red flag. I am very sorry to hear of your situation. It seems like you a intelligent, caring person who is caught up in a very difficult situation. I hope that you, your mother, and your boyfriend come to a positive resolution. Good luck!

Paratoxins · 12-08-13, 08:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Primal Rage

He went home on the first day without finishing work is kind of a red flag for me. His employment history is another big red flag. I am very sorry to hear of your situation. It seems like you a intelligent, caring person who is caught up in a very difficult situation. I hope that you, your mother, and your boyfriend come to a positive resolution. Good luck!

Yes, I was irritated that he did that as we've been over this before, that leaving early like that is a bad impression to give when first starting out. Hopefully he can find something quick and can stay there. I can't imagine being a cashier would be bad. Told him that he has to ask for help if something is too much and that 'feeling bad' is no longer an excuse at home to not do little chores. I've made the mistake of coddling him again.

Mikoh4792 · 12-08-13, 08:22 AM

So what exactly happened to his back that he had to leave early? Was it going to cause permanent damage to just finish the day?

Paratoxins · 12-08-13, 09:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mikoh4792

So what exactly happened to his back that he had to leave early? Was it going to cause permanent damage to just finish the day?

I haven't a clue, he just said his lower spine suddenly had intense pain and he had trouble standing after that but he appears to be fine now aside from some occasional pain

Apparently her reasoning is, quote,"He's a loser."

metalcopper · 12-08-13, 01:04 PM

It sounds to me like you're fairly young still. My experience is that if you're with someone who has a bad work history already, he will continue to live this way, the pattern is set. I am in law enforcement and I see it all the time, every day; it's hard for people to change their ways. You may forever struggle financially and it only gets worse the older you get, I know this first hand. If your fiance only aspires to do warehouse work, or cashier, you guys will have a hard life, you may not realize it until you're in your mid thirties or so, but it is very hard to pull out of it. Go to school now, get something started now, or seriously consider where your life is headed in the long run. I don't mean to be harsh or too negative, but I believe in patterns people set, of course there are exceptions, but I hardly ever see it, and I deal with people every day like this.

Jim Smith · 12-08-13, 01:58 PM

I suspect that your mother loves you very much and is using this incident as leverage to get you do so something that in the long run is really in your best interest. I'm not saying that I agree with the way she is approaching this, but I certainly can understand her motivation; which is to try to get her daughter to do what is best for her even if you can't see it right now.

I agree with metalcopper on this one. It is VERY difficult to change a person and your boyfriend's track record suggests that he is in for a long, tough road. Unless he gets educated or trained in a profession, his work history is going to haunt him and pretty much limit him to minimum wage jobs the rest of his life (if he's able to get a job at all). In no way am I suggesting that you dump him to get a snake, (even though it sounds like a pretty good trade). What I am saying is that perhaps you should step back a moment to think about why your mother is doing this, rather than what she is doing. Believe me, raising kids ain't easy and it's doubly difficult to stand by and watch them make poor decisions that can be life-changing. I sincerely hope that you and your mom work things out and that you're still able to share a wonderful Christmas together.

Best of luck.

Valvaren · 12-08-13, 03:32 PM

Echoing what metal and Jim have said, also if you cant depend on a steady job and income I wouldn't even be considering an animal, so I agree with your mother on that. Even if you are working what happens if there is a vet issue or bill problems, can you alone support two people, bills etc on top of the care of animals.

metalcopper · 12-08-13, 04:28 PM

The tough part will be when places won't even want to hire him because of his track record. They don't want to waste time hiring and training somebody who has a history of leaving after a couple of weeks or months, only to go through the hiring and training of somebody new again; they will usually just go with a better option the first time around.

Lankyrob · 12-08-13, 06:20 PM

I worked in Human Resources for years, anyone with an average job length of less than three years (unless there were obvious substantial reasons) would most likely not even get to interview stage, sad but true, that when you are getting 200+ applicants for each position you have to narrow the field quickly