How to deal with disapproving family? - Page 3

KORBIN5895 · 12-29-12, 09:55 AM

Let me sum this up for you. Your grandmother is a very bitter old woman. I know because I lived with one just like her for eight years. I hope you can come to terms with that. She will never change. I am sorry and I'm not trying to be a **** because I can feel for you. I know where you are coming from.

dinosaurdammit · 12-29-12, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KORBIN5895

Let me sum this up for you. Your grandmother is a very bitter old woman. I know because I lived with one just like her for eight years. I hope you can come to terms with that. She will never change. I am sorry and I'm not trying to be a **** because I can feel for you. I know where you are coming from.

I can understand she had a hard life but why does she need to feel like she has to share the experience. Ive not exactly had an easy life either. At what point did she just become bitter and at what point will she ever see that if she doesnt change it will only drive me away.

KORBIN5895 · 12-29-12, 10:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dinosaurdammit

I can understand she had a hard life but why does she need to feel like she has to share the experience. Ive not exactly had an easy life either. At what point did she just become bitter and at what point will she ever see that if she doesnt change it will only drive me away.

Mine never did figure it out. Every time I tried to reach out she would be all pissy because I hadn't called in "x" number of days, even if it had been only a week. She now is in a nursing home and no one wants to see her not even her own kids.

Relentless · 12-29-12, 10:31 AM

dinosaurdammit, first let me give you my sincerest apologies for having to deal with someone like that. I know exactly how you feel, almost to the tee. My grandparents are the exact same way with animals, but not as extreme as your nana. My mom has been that critical of me, not including the animals though, for most of my life up until I went to college.

I agree with most of what everyone said here. She is older and set in her ways. She has this perfect image in her head that no one would be able to live up to, including you. It's something certain people do because it makes them feel important or powerful. She probably will never change and she definitely will drive you away acting like this. It is VERY WRONG of her to treat you this way. You feel indebted to her just as I feel indebted to my mother when she tries to guilt me out of things she doesn't like. She tells me she raised me and put me through school and gives me the world, etc. Yet growing up, she was constantly on medication, drunk, or high and couldn't do a damn thing. Yet I feel indebted to her. It is a terrible feeling. STOP thinking you owe her something. That's what I did. My mother came around and now respects me for what I have become, despite my hardships. Your nana may not come around, but if staying away from you to prove her point is more important than seeing her daughter and grandchild, then she is at fault. NOT YOU. Keep your head up, sweetheart. Don't let someone else criminalize your hobby, your passion.

StudentoReptile · 12-29-12, 10:44 AM

The last two posts sum things up well. These situations are difficult, but some people will NEVER see eye-to-eye when it comes to this hobby (or other things in life as well). For example, I have resigned myself to the fact that no job I ever will hold will ever meet my mother's satisfaction. I'm 30 yrs old, and I have my own family (wife and 2 kids) to worry about, without concerning myself with someone else's expectations.

dinosaurdammit · 12-29-12, 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StudentoReptile

The last two posts sum things up well. These situations are difficult, but some people will NEVER see eye-to-eye when it comes to this hobby (or other things in life as well). For example, I have resigned myself to the fact that no job I ever will hold will ever meet my mother's satisfaction. I'm 30 yrs old, and I have my own family (wife and 2 kids) to worry about, without concerning myself with someone else's expectations.

I now understand what I must do its going to be hard to get myself out of the mindset of always just being a yes person when she ask. Its going to be difficult but I truly love my critters and I respect her but I think its high time she realizes im not my mother and that I am deserving of respect.

Relentless · 12-29-12, 12:00 PM

That's more like it! There's a point where it's no longer respecting your elders, but letting someone take advantage of your kind and understand personality. It's just not fair to you.