What would you do?? (Girlfriend stuff)

[J-Man]

Ok, I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years. For these 2 years my biggest fear has always been for her to fall in love with somebody else. I recently found out that she's starting to fall for this guy. One of the biggest problem is it seems so much like she was just using me... because she used to be sort of controlling.... like didn't like me on the computer and stuff like that, she wanted me to "be with her." But now that she's found this guy, she talks to him all day... be it on the phone, on the internet whatever. And never cares that I WANT TO BE WITH HER(I mean be with her physically, not be with her as in date her... even though I do). It's like anytime we get into an argument she doesn't care, she can just go talk to him. In addition, there have been a series of lies about her feelings towards him and stuff like that. I know it's arguable that she's not doing anything wrong when she starts to like this guy... it's her feelings, ya know? But, she doesn't take care of me about it or hold me or anything... that is her fault. Especially since she's always assured me that this would never happen. I think the worst part of this whole thing are times like these.... right now, almost everybody I know (even people in my family) have their loved ones... my dad, mom, stepmom, stepdad, brothers, friends, her.... just not me. And I just feel so trapped because I have no idea what to do. I don't feel like I can be with her (even if she does pick me over him) because of what she's already done to me. But also I'm not sure if I can live without her. So that's my rant... but I wanted to know what you all would do if you were in my situation. Sorry for the long, incoherent babble.... it's just sort of hard for me to type because I also broke my wrist yesterday(I'm going through such a GREAT time in my life). Anyway, any feedback is appreciated.

Jeremy

[SerpentLust]

Well, I've been in that situation alot on both ends. When I fall for someone else, from personal experience, there's nothing that other person can do. But on a happy note, it's usually temporary...

When the person falls for someone else and you're the boyfriend/girlfriend. It's tough. I chose to stay with him even after he cheated on me with this girl. And we worked through it and we were fine. But it was always in the back of my mind, that I tried so hard to be the perfect partner to him and it didn't matter. So that's my little 0.02$

People will do what they want to do. The best way to go about it is be honest with each other and approach it without yelling and if she honestly has feelings for him, maybe you should let her go, she may just as well come back...

Jenn

[J-Man]

Thanks for the reply. I did sort of let her go. She asked me to give her some time. So I am but I really can't take it. I hear her on the phone with him giggling and stuff like that and I just I don't know

[Youkai]

So, you're what, 16, 17?

You have a lot of time ahead of you. Personally, I wouldn't waste it with someone who's jerking you around. Move on. Yes, it will hurt. But it will hurt less than staying with someone who treats you the way she does.
She's spending all of her time with another guy....time for you to move on.

[J-Man]

Thanks Youkai... yeah I'm 17. I know I sound foolish sounding so serious about her and things like that. But, thanks again.

[T.O-SK8TER]

Haha, it sucks eh? I am in the same situation man, except she doesn't like someonle else, she just wants to be alone, and I don't want her back! But hey life goes on you can't let stupid feelings like this control your life. Forget about her cause either way she will do what she wants, you have no controll over that! So go and meet some other girls and take them out and stuff, you have to move on!

[J-Man]

I hear you t.o... only problem is for the past 2 years she's been my life. Now that she's not really my life anymore, I have no life at all... So basically I'm bored all day and just sit around and think about my life so naturally I think about that. That makes it REALLY hard to move on. Thanks for the reply.

[Youkai]

J-Man, I'm certainly not trying to downplay your feelings based on your age. It's just that no one deserves to be treated that way, and I'm sure it would hurt more in the long run. I'd suggest getting out, doing stuff with friends, anything. Try not to dwell on it too much, even though that probably seems next to impossible.

[T.O-SK8TER]

J-Man I was with my ex girl for over 2 years aswell! Its no big deal, if you are getting board and stuff then you are the type of guy who can't be alone(without a girlfriend) so if this is the case then just go and meet some women! You may remember the feeling of meeting a girl and thinking she is hot and crap, but if not to me it is a way better feeling than being with an annoying girl who is gonna play with your heart! I have not been without a girlfriend in 5 years, so I myself choose to stay single, cause I don't want to be tied down and man it feels great!

[CDN-Cresties]

Break ups always suck. Personally i would get rid of her and find someone else.

-Steve-

[Corey Woods]

Jeremy,

Kick the skank to the curb........if she doesn't respect you and want to be with you then she doesn't deserve you. Find someone who cares about you and put all your time and effort into a healthy relationship. You are young......life goes on.....it always does!

Good luck,
Corey

[Slannesh]

Getting hurt like that doesn't matter if your 16 or 60. Betrayal hurts and it sucks.

I always used to hate hearing that "Life goes on, there are plenty of other fish in the sea" Because when you're heart is breaking the sea seems like an awfully lonely place.

It's going to suck for a while, there is little to nothing you can do to change that. I always found that throwing myself into my work or hobbies seemed to help a little. At least it's something to do that isn't sitting around thinking about your ex. Spend some time with your herps, give everyone's cage a good sterilizing. That should kill at least an afternoon or so

Post here when you feel like it. For the most part this seems to be a pretty understanding crowd.

Hope things move on quickly for you, we've all been there.

Slan.

[J-Man]

Originally posted by Slannesh
Because when you're heart is breaking the sea seems like an awfully lonely place.

That's really well put. I don't mean to put down everybody else though. You're all being EXTREMELY helpful. And I really appreciate everything you're all doing for me.

I told her straight how I feel. How I feel like she's jerking me around, and it almost seems like she just wants to see how much I can take before I pop. She sort of broke down and cried and talked about how sorry she was. And how this new guy isn't all that he *pretended* to be(gee, I wonder who told her this was gonna happen from the start? ) She also told me that she "chooses me". But she also said she still have SOME feelings left for him but she's virtually positive that I'm the guy she wants permanently. But I'm not sure if I'm buying. I could see this doing a complete 180 on me within a day. So I think what I'm gonna do is get back together with her but take *NO* crap from her. If this happens again, it's adios.

So, if anybody wants to give any advice on whether I'm doing the right thing or not, feel free. It's more than welcome. If not, I'm extremely grateful for what those of you have done for me already. It has really helped a lot... and even given me a good laugh or 2....

Kick the skank to the curb

Thanks again!

Jeremy

fall or be in love as often/long as you can. Just never forget men and women are like common corn snakes, cheap and easy to find. Everybody changes everyday, we grow close to and away from people all the time. Enjoy and remember the good, forget and forgive the bad, move on to the next stage of your life.

[maiden_canada]

Corey Woods: I second that.

Tell her to screw off, if what you say is accurate she most likely doesn't give a sh*t about you anymore. who knows, maybe in a month she will come crawling back, then your the one in charge