he said/she said

[nita]

My SIL sent these and I got good laugh out of them. Enjoy

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of North Carolina."
And they say blondes are dumb...
_______________________

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world"
The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
_______________________

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
_______________________

He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make love to you really badly.
She said - Well, you succeeded.
______________________

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
_______________________

He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
______________________

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
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A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a very special wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger.. Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!

Gotta love that fairy!
__________________

AND THE BEST ONE YET...

A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST:
* She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
* Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
* Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
* Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
* And her husband is on the back of the milk carton



A PRAYER....

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.

AMEN