Another for the Winterpeg Manisnowba people

[Ironhorse]

Mattel announces the release of models of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for
> the Metro Manitoba Market:
>
> Southdale Barbie: Has freshness date on package. Do not buy after that
> date or product may be spoiled rotten. Comes with no appreciation for how
> the other 95% live. Does not have career or an idea of what makes her
> happy.When bought in conjunction with Hard Working Ken, she will change
> her appearance, will gain 75 lbs., will cut her hair, and belittle anyone
> who crosses her. No one, including Ken, is right, ever. Ken's head melts
> after17 years.
>
>
> Transcona Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler Jeans
> two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and has a tattoo of a Tweety bird on
> her shoulder. She has big, stiff hair, a six-pack of Coors Light, and a
> Hank Williams, Jr., CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and can kick
> mullet-haired Kenny doll's *** when she's drunk. Comes with personal
> concealed gun license.
>
> West St. Paul's Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with a choice of a BMW
> sports car or a souped-up H2. Included is her Starbucks cup, credit cards,
> and Country Club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken
> and Private School Skipper.
>
>
> East Kildonan Barbie: This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a
> pair of high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased
> beer-gutted Ken out of Maples Barbie's house. Her make-up is dark red lip
> liner with your choice of lips covered in a sparkly pink or no fill-in at
> all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted
> colored G-strings that stick out the back and a white see-through halter
> top. Accessories include a CD player equipped with BonJovi CD and a rusty
> old Ford pickup.
>
>
> Brandon Barbie: This Barbie is very similar to Transcona Barbie. She comes
> with a few more accessories: shoulder pads, dark polyester skirt, white
> pantyhose, and a bad haircut.
>
>
> Wolsely Barbie: This doll, made of actual tofu, has long grey hair and
> archless feet, sandals with white socks, no makeup, doesn't shave, and
> loves mosquitos. She prefers that you call her "Willow". She thinks
> everybody is a right-winger, and hates the police with a vengeance.
>
>
> Lindenwoods Barbie: This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with your
> choice of Lexus SUV or Ford Escalade. Her vehicle is used for youth
> athletic taxi service only. She gets lost easily and has no full-time
> occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching
> gym outfit.
>
>
> Maples Barbie: This ethnic Barbie wears a leopard-print outfit and drinks
> Singapore Slings while she entertains friends in her Manitoba Housing
> funded co-op. Limited clothing available. Very own bumper shopping cart
> available. Ethnic Ken completes this set.
>
>
> St. Vital Barbie: This model is only available at the Sears store or at
> any parochial school bazaar. It cannot be purchased on Saturday
> night(because of Trivia nights) or on Sundays (Sunday school class). It
> comes with a case of Lab Lite beer (supplied by the coach), pork steaks, a
> recipe for Hash Brown Casserole, a 1987 Plymouth Voyager, and one cell
> phone (circa1982, big as a toaster) with 15 anytime minutes. She is
> wearing the latest fashion from Wal-Mart that she wore on Easter Sunday.
>
> North End Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun,
> a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with tinted windows, and her own Meth Lab kit.
> This Barbie also comes with 6 children by four different Kens.