Dear Tide

[Snip3r]

Dear Tide:

I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have. I've used it
since the beginning of married life, when my mom told me it was the
best. In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new
white blouse. My husband started to berate me about my drinking problem.
One thing led to another and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my
white blouse as well. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain
detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. After a quick trip out, I
stopped and got a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and all
of the stains came out! They came out so well, in fact, that the DNA
tests were negative! I thank you, once again, for a great product.

Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.