Dear Dogs and Cats

[Snakefood]

The dishes with the paw prints in them are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note-placing your pawprint in the middle of my plate of food does not make it yours! Nor do I find it esthetically pleasing in the least!

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help as I can fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything larger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this.Do not think I will continue sleeping on a couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up into a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and tongues lolling to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is NOT a secret exit from the bathroom. If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the door and try to pull it open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also... I have been using the bathroom for years, canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs butt, I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH!!

To pacify you, our dearest pets, I have posted the following message on our front door;

To all non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:

1) They live here, you don't
2)If you don't want thier hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture (that's why they call it "fur"niture)
3)I like my pets better than I like people

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because:

1)They eat less
2)Don't ask for money all the time
3)Are easier to train
4)Usually come when called
5)Never drive your car
6)Don't hang out with drug using friends
7)Don't smoke or drink
8)Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
9)Don't wear your clothes
10)Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and last but definately not least......
10)If they get pregnant, you can sell thier children!!