Need a smile? the ZARADOZIA awesome joke thread

[CK SandBoas]

That is fantastic!!

[ZARADOZIA]

A Cowboy Story

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the desert without water.
His horse has already died of thirst.
He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden, he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case.

He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie.
She is wearing an Internal Revenue Service ID badge and a dull gray dress.
There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.

"Well, cowboy," says the genie... "You know how I work. You have three wishes."
"I'm not falling for this." Says the man. "I'm not going to trust an IRS auditor genie."
"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"

The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.
"OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink."
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

"OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish."
"My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams."
***POOF***
The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

"OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"
After thinking for a few minutes, the man says.. "I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me."
***POOF***
He is turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story: If the government offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached

[millertime89]

rofl, that's hilarious.

[ZARADOZIA]

Oh Good Grief! LOL

[millertime89]

holy $hit, those are funny.

[millertime89]

not as good as your other ones, but still decent

[alessia55]

HAHAHAH that's hilarious!

[alessia55]

I thought the "old friends" one was kinda cute though. I'm kind of afraid of growing old though

[alessia55]

hahahaha the last one is the best for sure

[ZARADOZIA]

Originally Posted by alessia55

I thought the "old friends" one was kinda cute though. I'm kind of afraid of growing old though

Don't be afraid of growing old.

Live each day to its fullest. Love deeply, Laugh often, Never go to bed with out hugging and kissing your loved ones; especially if you are angry. Always start the new day with Hugs and Kisses.
Don't overly worry about tomorrow; only worry about today because right now is the only time that matters.

[alessia55]

A dog that is NOT neutered/spayed humps people/objects to release sexual frustration (since they too have sexual cycles that urge them to mate), or as an act of dominance. Some female dogs hump male dogs or other female dogs as a way to display dominance. A dog that IS neutered may will do the same because removing the organ does not remove the hormones.

Back to the thread topic though... I didn't know that starfish had no brains... but did you know that starfish eat by ejecting their stomachs and taking in their food directly into their stomachs that way?

[UwabamiReptiles]

Those are funny.

[alessia55]

hahaha that last verse is hilarious!! so true!

This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And see how THEY come out.

[lady_bug87]

hahahahaha love the Chi Chis

[mybella]

LOL...funny