What would you do?? (Girlfriend stuff) - Page 4

marisa · 11-05-03, 11:41 AM

Yeah but dude in reality the way you feel now will seem stupid to you in less than a year most likely.

You meet other people, you date other people. You will date and have relationships with maybe dozens of girls before finding the right one. Tons of people pass into your life from now until you are older and one incident is something you have to learn to live with knowing the feelings go away.

Marisa

J-Man · 11-05-03, 11:44 AM

You're 100% right. I'm sure you've been in my position before (or something similar)... so you probably know what it's like.

lordkovacs · 11-05-03, 05:42 PM

wow...that's tough..
actually, i had a dream about 2 weeks ago that my finacee fell in love with some guy from our old university (McMaster) and wans't sure if she liked him more. I remember in my dream i just couldn't stand to think about it. I couldn't look her in the eyes cause I just started to cry. Forunately for me it was a dream. But it did make me think after I woke up. I decided that I was not in a position that I could share her. At least not with another guy. Of course I don't mean that she can't be friends with a guy. I empathize with your situation. I can only say that you can't sell yourself short. If you accept her not deciding, it's unfair to yourself in my opinion. Good luck Jeremy, I hope it all works out.
cheers..
MIKE

J-Man · 11-05-03, 07:55 PM

Thanks Mike... Yeah the way you described it was pretty accurate. That's how it is for me. I think I would have a problem with her even just being friends with this guy after all this... I mean she lied and told me he had a lot of childhood problems and stuff like that. And His dad has been in jail a couple of times for raping teenage girls. And His mom has been married like 8 times. So I said, "ok, if these guy needs help them I'm gonna do the right thing and let you talk to him about this and help him through it." Yeah, it was BS. There's nothing wrong with him.

Thanks again, Mike. I'm sure it will work out.

lordkovacs · 11-05-03, 10:43 PM

I hope it does work out. it's a tough situation. As hard as it is to say, my gut feeling is that I couldn't be with my fiancee anymore if that indeed happened to me. At least it would take a long time to accept. It's easier to stay with her, but if she can be swung now but some loser guy (as it appears he probably is), then what happens for the rest of your lives? Can you have more than 1 soul mate? Has she found another? Are you, hers? Is she yours? These are questions to ask yourself. All the best,
MIKE

Sunrunner · 11-06-03, 02:57 AM

Don't let the fact your 17 take away from the seriousness of your feelings...I was married when I was 17 and I am still with the same peson 7 years later. Make the right choice...don't let ppl tell you "ah your only 17...your still a kid don't worry about it" to me it sounds as if your the adult and your "ex-girl" is the kid playing these kinds of game. If she loved you and was worth you then she wouldn't do this and she especially wouldn't flaunt it. Be the man you sound to be and find someone worth your feelings. Your one will always be your one and you theirs. Trust me

Good Luck!

J-Man · 11-06-03, 11:03 AM

Ok great... now she woke me up this morning telling me how much she wants to be with me and only me. Last night I told her for sure she has to go and that I Don't want somebody who's gonna treat me like that. So this morning she starts telling me she was gonna tell this guy (Rob) that she wants to be with me and that she doesn't like him anymore.... all that crap. And now I have no idea what to do. I feel horrible, I feel so close to taking her back because I miss her so much. But I don't think it's the right decision. I'm really really confused.

BoAddict · 11-07-03, 12:45 PM

id still send her packing
she wants you and only you now why coz you gave her an ultimatum maybe if shed said it before you told her that you were done with her but she waited to say after you told her,
what happens next time some other guy comes along is she gonna play it out again?
just my$0.02

J-Man · 11-07-03, 12:48 PM

exactly

choriona · 11-07-03, 01:46 PM

Wow, what a tough situation, compacted by the fact that you are living together. Were you friends first? Are you wanting to keep a friendship? Do you share a room too then? You sound like you helped her out in a confusing time in her life, and you seem like a really caring person. This is a curse I know too well. You get walked on by a lot of people, but then, the ones that really need you are really cared for truly and deeply. What is she to you? Sometimes what helps is to make a list of everything that pisses you off and what makes you love her. Don’t confuse love with want. Looking at the things that anger you, see if you are willing to work through that. Show her the list. Let her know exactly what you feel about her at this point. Try to discuss, and don’t yell. AND don’t involve alcohol. Don’t focus on just this one event, look at the whole relationship. Work through all the bugs in one constructive life changing moment. If you two can make it through that, than you can make it through anything. Communication is absolutely essential for equal partnership. Don’t tell her you went into her e-mail!!!!!
You may not get over the trust issue, and you may decide not to be together anymore, but al least you will know where you stand with each other.
One thing I have learned is to trust your own instincts. My whole family dislikes my boyfriend, they would like nothing better than to see him get out of my life. But they don’t seem to care how incredibly unhappy that would make me. They try to give me advice on our problems, all ending with “you should ditch that guy.” I’ve just accepted the fact that they don’t know me so well anymore. Besides, I want to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend, and not my parents.

J-Man · 11-07-03, 10:15 PM

Well put choriona... No we don't share a room. She's sort of part of the family. She's definitely the kind of people that walks all over me. But then, she SAYS that she's the other kind of person. But I'm gonna go by what she does not what she says.

I already told her about me going into her e-mail also :/

Also, I know if I make this list it's going to be incredibley unbalanced with stuff I don't like about her. And, no, I don't think I want a friendly relationship with her after this. She's a bitch frankly and a bad person. I honestly hope for this guy's sake that he realizes that much sooner than I did... of course I'm not going to interfere with their life though(I'm not a stalker).

Thanks so much for the reply, Choriona. I'm feeling so much better now and I know it would have been 10x harder without you guys backing me up. Thanks again, everybody!

Jeremy

lordkovacs · 11-07-03, 11:22 PM

why not tell her then that you need time? It sounds like you haven't made a decision yet. It seems as though you aren't sure about your feelings. So, take as much time as you need. If she's not willing to wait while things are sorted out, then you have your answer right there... take your time. no rash decisions!
cheers...
MIKE

J-Man · 11-08-03, 12:40 AM

Good point. Thing is Mike, I know exactly what I should do. It's just taking me so long to do. I just CAN'T tell her to get out... though it seems easier every day.

Amiechann · 11-08-03, 12:59 AM

I know breaking up is a very hard thing to do.. Fact is though that you are young, and there are a lot of young hotties out there looking for a decent guy!

Lisa · 11-08-03, 03:02 PM

Decide if you will be happier with her or with out her. No one but you can make that decision.
I've taken two ex's back and regretted taking one back. Maybe it's a wake up sign that you can't take her for granted or let her walk all over you. stop being a rug and stand up for what you want.