Dad problems please help

jaybox_reptiles · 09-28-03, 11:00 AM

Hi all i no this dosent beong here but i really need help: Well all of my life me and my dad have been real close well for the past few months it seems like we are just drifting apart and loosing our relation ship and its got me down real bad and it is all because of me smoking and he has none for the past 2 years but for some reason it been really bad for the past few months and he isnt talking or nothing any sugestions to help me get threw this problem ? beside quiting smoking ive alreasy tryed it thx

Jay

SerpentLust · 09-28-03, 11:04 AM

Talk to him....tell him exactly what you just typed, that you're worried you two are drifting and you don't want to drift...

Jenn

jaybox_reptiles · 09-28-03, 11:34 AM

ive done that already but i guess it is worth it to keep trying to talk about thx

Jay

Lisa · 09-28-03, 12:08 PM

See a councilor @ school.

Tim and Julie B · 09-28-03, 12:32 PM

Quit smoking, it's not worth the problems it creates. I know, I've been there.

dank7oo · 09-28-03, 01:50 PM

i agree .. quit smoking ...
my sister has the sam problem .. she smokes and it has hurt her relationship with my parents ... it causes health problems and what not so ...
good luck with your dad

Jason

LISA127 · 09-28-03, 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by dank7oo
i agree .. quit smoking ...
my sister has the sam problem .. she smokes and it has hurt her relationship with my parents ... it causes health problems and what not so ...
good luck with your dad

Jason

smoking is a horrible, dangerous habit. but in no way should someone let it affect their relationship with someone they love. if you love someone, you accept them, faults and all. i can see alcoholism coming between ppl, but smoking? come on! sure, if you don't like it, have the person smoke outside, that's not a problem. but it should end there. not ruin a relationship. that's just ridiculous.

but if we are talking about young children here, that may be something different. i am not sure on everyone's ages here.

Tim and Julie B · 09-28-03, 07:23 PM

Alcoholism and smoking are both debilitating addictions. Both are frowned upon by most of the population. I grew up in a household where one parent was an alcoholic, a smoker and a drug user, and the other parent only ever smoked. Neither can beat their addictions. Both affected the way I grew up, equally. When most other parents didn't have these problems, (only 15%of the population has a drinking problem, 48% has a smoking problem), it became enbarassing when one HAD to go out to smoke regardless of whether or not I was reciting my poems, essays, or class works. All the other parents and kids took notice, and I got teased. So do you really think that smoking has no effect on relationships? And why does it matter whether or not we are talking about children or adults? Drugs are drugs no matter who uses them. I would never judge anyone because of their faults, but I have lost many a friend and family member to every drug abuse you can name. Just a little something for you to think about.

JB

dank7oo · 09-28-03, 08:17 PM

Quote:

smoking is a horrible, dangerous habit. but in no way should someone let it affect their relationship with someone they love. if you love someone, you accept them, faults and all. i can see alcoholism coming between ppl, but smoking? come on! sure, if you don't like it, have the person smoke outside, that's not a problem. but it should end there. not ruin a relationship. that's just ridiculous.

but if we are talking about young children here, that may be something different. i am not sure on everyone's ages here.

you contridicted yourself SO many times in that one post - lol
my parents love my sister, just have given up on trying to raise her with rules to bide by. he has done drugs, she drink, she smokes, and they have had enough. they have even threatened to call the police on her for domestic violence (which i dont see why they dont) ...

Jason

sapphire_moon · 09-28-03, 08:20 PM

Second hand smoke kills to! Quit smoking, causes way to many problems, is bad for you, everyone your around, and your animals/reptiles and any other critter you may keep around.

Solid Snake · 09-28-03, 08:51 PM

why the hell do people start smoking, argh

could u tell us why u started, this boggles my mind. I mean, c'mon the label says WILL give u lung cancer and a bunch of crap.

mykee · 09-28-03, 10:07 PM

Last I checked, this wasn't a thread about smoking, it was about a strained relationship between father and son. Keep the soapbox speeches to yourselves. I was a smoker, I quit. Woopity doo for me!! Hero cookies all around. Smoking is a bad habit, yes. Should a PARENT be so immature as to let ANYTHING, let alone smoking strain a relationship? No. Unfortunately, I've been in a situation where a disagreement over a decision I made seperated me from my mother for 8 years and counting. I'm over it, I have my own life now. I MADE closure for myself a long time ago. To be honest, not the best thing in the world to have a parent disown you over a stupid arguement. Don't let it go that far. If you have to be the mature one, step on up to the plate. It's worth it.

LISA127 · 09-29-03, 08:01 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Tim and Julie B
Alcoholism and smoking are both debilitating addictions. Both are frowned upon by most of the population. I grew up in a household where one parent was an alcoholic, a smoker and a drug user, and the other parent only ever smoked. Neither can beat their addictions. Both affected the way I grew up, equally. When most other parents didn't have these problems, (only 15%of the population has a drinking problem, 48% has a smoking problem), it became enbarassing when one HAD to go out to smoke regardless of whether or not I was reciting my poems, essays, or class works. All the other parents and kids took notice, and I got teased. So do you really think that smoking has no effect on relationships? And why does it matter whether or not we are talking about children or adults? Drugs are drugs no matter who uses them. I would never judge anyone because of their faults, but I have lost many a friend and family member to every drug abuse you can name. Just a little something for you to think about.

JB

First of all, drugs are mind altering substances. Therefore, altho addicting, cigarettes do not qualify as a drug. And second, when did u grow up? Because when I was a kid, most parents smoked, and no one, and I mean no one, was embarrassed that their parents smoked! I work in a school, plenty of parents still smoke. And none of the kids with smoking parents get teased. And third, age matters because if we are talking about a 12 year old kid who is not abiding by his parents rules, then yes, it is going to affect their relationship. If we are talking about a 25 year old who smokes, and the parent is letting it affect their relationship, they are being ridiculous and only hurting themself.

I lost my father 6 years ago. I also had stretches of time when we were not talking. Believe me, it's not worth it. You end up regretting every minute u lost. So if a person can't just "quit", love them and accept them anyway.

By the way, there is a big difference between someone coming home drunk from a bar, and someone coming inside from having a cigarette outside. Again, the mind-altering thing.

LISA127 · 09-29-03, 08:05 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by dank7oo
you contridicted yourself SO many times in that one post - lol
my parents love my sister, just have given up on trying to raise her with rules to bide by. he has done drugs, she drink, she smokes, and they have had enough. they have even threatened to call the police on her for domestic violence (which i dont see why they dont) ...

Jason

Hello???? In your original post, you just mentioned she smokes. No mention of drugs or drinking. And was I supposed to know she was a minor living at home? For all I know, she could have been grown and living in her own apartment.

Infectrix · 09-29-03, 08:24 AM

jaybox,

first of all man, no one's gonna make you quit smoking. you're gonna quit when you find it's time to quit. whether it be due to you hacking your lungs out every morning, coughing up blood, or something like you smelling bad all the time, or not being able to financially support the habit.

everyone knows what smoking cigarettes leads to and alot of people continue to smoke despite the consequences. and you know what i say to those who choose to smoke? have another one....

()___))__________)..?

Now, back to the original matter at hand. I'd confront your pops about why you guys are drifting. If you were really close at one time, you're probably not far apart at all. I'd drill him about it and I wouldn't let anything slide. It shouldn't be hard at all man 'cause I think confronting family members is alot easier than confronting friends and the like. And this is your dad man, I'm sure you guys have a bond.

What's the worst that could happen? Your dad ends up socking you in the face. Friends who fight over stupid sh*t sock eachother in the face! So, no. Your dad ends up spanking you. Nope. Your dad disowns you and kicks you out of the house. Well if you and dad were pretty close at one time, I couldn't see that happening.