Savannah Monitor Gout page

[infernalis]

Please have a look, If I have missed anything, or have made any statements you feel are wrong, please feel free to be as critical as you must.

This page is very important, the lives of many captive Savannah monitors depend on it. I appreciate any criticisms or kudos offered.

Savannah Monitor Health!

Cheers all!

[alessia55]

I read the page. I have a few suggestions but it'll have to wait until I'm home at the computer. in the meantime, it looks great.

[StudentoReptile]

A few very minor grammatical errors here and there, but looks good to me. I'm not knowledgeable enough on the subject(s) to comment any further, but I know you are pretty thorough, Wayne, not to mention this matter is close to you, so I trust the information is pretty sound. It has my stamp of approval.

[infernalis]

A nice member on RFUK pointed out that I did not mention how deep the soil should be, I have since corrected that.

Confident there is spelling and grammar issues too.

[infernalis]

Totally convinced by Infernalis website that I need to change my Bosc's substrate asap I've been looking at top soil.

That made my whole day.

[MoreliAddict]

Originally Posted by infernalis

That made my whole day.

Another Sav saved.

Well done.

[infernalis]

and that was within an hour of publishing the page!

[MoreliAddict]

Of this huge number only a small handful have survived past their first birthday, and an even smaller amount have lived beyond 5 years, this page will address why so many animals suffer and die in the hands of reptile enthusiasts worldwide, Please read carefully because failure to provide these very basic requirements always results in a slow, excruciating death of these beautiful, intelligent animals.

^ The comma I bolded, should that be a period?

[infernalis]

Yes.. seems like it should.

making other corrections as well.

Thank you.

[MoreliAddict]

No problem.

[DiscoPat]

Good page. It is short and too the point. It isn't a huge intimidating wall of text. I have been wondering about gout and the symptoms/causes I knew it was caused by low humidity but I wasn't sure why.
Are there anymore symptoms or signs? I saw you had one picture with the signs pointed out. If there are more those are going to be helpful for even the people who won't read anything.

[infernalis]

Originally Posted by DiscoPat

Good page. It is short and too the point. It isn't a huge intimidating wall of text. I have been wondering about gout and the symptoms/causes I knew it was caused by low humidity but I wasn't sure why.
Are there anymore symptoms or signs? I saw you had one picture with the signs pointed out. If there are more those are going to be helpful for even the people who won't read anything.

I have been thinking about surfing youtube for sick monitor videos.

I do have a slew of chomper at the vet pics...

[DragonsEye]

Looks good, Wayne! Can't advise on the content as -- like SoR -- I am not knowledgeable about the subject. However, there are some minor grammatical corrections and additions that you may wish to make. Suggested changes are in bold red as follows:


Of this huge number only a small handful have survived past their first birthday, and an even smaller amount have lived beyond 5 years. This page will address why so many animals suffer and die in the hands of reptile enthusiasts worldwide.

.... This process in turn stresses the kidneys and liver eventually causing them to fail altogether, then the uric acid levels in the blood begin to rapidly escalate leading to gout. {Note: if you wish to emphasize "gout" either italics or underlining would work. You might even create a hyperlink to that word's definition.}

... This is why the air in mines and deep basements is so heavy, suspended water molecules in the air add weight to it. {Many would, I know, consider this nitpicky and if you choose to ignore it as such that is fine but this statement would be more accurately written: This is why the air in mines and deep basements feels so thick or "heavy", suspended water molecules in the air increase its density. Chalk this up to the science background in me.}

... Soil depth should be 24 inches (61cm) deep {For those readers accustomed to the metric system the inclusion of the metric equivalent in addition to the English measure could be helpful. Also if you could estimate the cubic feet/meters this may be more useful for some than a "pickup truck load" if they are folks without access to a pickup. }

[infernalis]

Thank you so much.

as for wording choices, a very important (to me) biologist once told me "write as if you are talking to children"

I have since replaced "respiration" with breathing, and "Squamates" with Monitors, since the page is targeted at monitor owners.

K.I.S.S. - Keep it simple stupid.

[Pirarucu]

Looking very good!