Quotable Quotes-Part 2 : some to think on

[Darlene]

1. Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes...why do we still have monkeys and apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She
said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
8. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?
9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself,is it considered a hostage situation?
10. Is there another word for synonym?
11. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
12. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
13. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
14. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
15. Would a fly without wings be called a 'walk'?
16. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
17. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
18. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
19. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
20. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
21. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign "DEER CROSSING"?
22. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
23. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
24. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
25. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
26. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
27. How is it possible to have a 'civil' war?
28. If God dropped acid, would He see people?
29. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
30. If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry?
31. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
32. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
33. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
34. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
35. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole
darn airplane made out of that stuff?

[spyderman]

Why is it that when you go into a Library shouting & screaming, EVERYONE Tells you to "Shut up!"...Do the same thing on an airplane & Everyone joins in.?

Why is the word Dyslexic so hard to spell?

[Invictus]

LOL, thanks Darlene. I got that in email a while back and have been looking for it since. Here's a few more conundrums for ya:

- Why is abbreviation such a long word?
- Why do we drive in parkways and park in driveways?
- Why is it that when something is taken by car, it's called a shipment, but when it's taken by ship, it's called cargo?
- If cats always land on their feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied a piece of bread butter side up to the back of a cat and dropped it?

[lilyskip]

"I'm telling you, just attach a parachute to THE PLANE ITSELF!! Is anyone LISTENING to me?!?!" --Jack Handey

[TheRedDragon]

I got some of these in an Email sometime ago, they're quite funny...

-Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

-Who was the first person to say "See that chicken there....I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

-Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

-Why is there a light in the fridge and not the freezer?

-If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

-If the professor in Gilligan's island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

-Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

-Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

-If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

-If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

-If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

-If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

-Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

-Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?.......hey...and dont forget Ba ba blacksheep too!

-Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

-Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

-Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?