This Really Sucks...

[HumphreyBoagart]

Well, it absolutely kills me to say it, but it finally happened. My girlfriend finally left me because of snakes and reptiles in general. This really sucks, I am so bummed out. She was my girlfriend for 3 years as of Apr. 24, and she is the love of my life. The worst part of it is, she left me because of all my snakes and that, but now that she is gone, I don't even want them because I have no one to share them with. So I think I might get out of the reptile hobby. It really sucks, but I am so heartbroken, that I have nothing without her anyways.

Craig

[Dave_18]

sorry to hear that man, that really does suck!!!!

[HumphreyBoagart]

Thanks Dave. Yes, it sucks very much.

Craig

[JAdkins2451]

Hey Craig sorry to hear that man, It really does suck. Have you talked to her about maybe thinning the collection out. Insted of having a ton. I hope everything works out for you bud.

Jamie

[HumphreyBoagart]

Thanks Jamie
I have told her that I would get rid of them all, and that wasn't good enough

[repkid2]

sorry to here about that. Maybe it was meant to be? If the girl don't like what your into than you need to find one that is into. My wife has been doing with me for the past ten years and I love for that!! good luck!!!

[bob2004]

Maybe she left you for a guy with a longer snake. :D
Just kidding, we've all been there so hang tight and
never give up what makes you happy. I'm no Dr. Phil
but life is all about compromising, if she won't meet you
half-way maybe your better off without her (ya I know, easy for me to say).

[HumphreyBoagart]

Thanks for the replies guys.
I was willing to go more than meeting her 1/2 way, I would have went the whole distance and gotten rid of everything. It is hard to never give up what makes you happy, if she breaks up with you. Or me in this case!
Craig

[mykee]

Craig, if you said that you would be willing to get rid of your entire collection for her and she still wouldn't take you back, it's not the snakes, and was something beyond your control. Don't beat yourself up about it, it probably wasn't meant to be. Cheer up, this too shall pass.

[HumphreyBoagart]

Thanks Mykee
Yeah your probably right, there's something more than just the snakes.
It sucks, because without her, I don't have the same passion for them (the snakes) anymore. Or the same passion for anything for that matter. Which is why I am considering getting out of the hobby. Don't worry, I am still going to think about it.
Thanks
Craig

[ChristinaM]

Sorry to hear that Craig. Honestly, I agree with Mykee. If you were willing to give up the snakes, then it was not the snakes that caused her to leave. It may have been an "excuse" at the time, for something else, some other reason...

Either way, I am sorry bout it.

Honestly, don't make any decisions you may regret eh. Time does heal wounds.

take it easy.

[HumphreyBoagart]

Thanks Christina
I agree with mykee also.
She dropped of keys and some stuff, and I said it was obviously more than the reptiles. She said it was more than the snakes but couldn't tell me what it was.
Gotta love open ends.
Craig

[TheLionsShare]

Hey man, if I ever had a girl tell me that either she left or my herps left, I'd say goodbye to her.. Reptiles are a part of you I'm sure, and if she couldn't accept that, then you're better off anyways.

[HumphreyBoagart]

Yeah I know, but she never even said "me or the herps" really. She just said she didn't want her or our future children surrounded by snakes. I agreed and built a locked snake room to solve that. Then it was still a problem, and I offered to get rid of them. She just thinks I wouldn't and that I am not serious. And nothing would change.
Because people can't change you know.
(sarcasm, for those who didn't catch it.)

Craig

[RB420]

Craig, give it time before you make any rash decisions. your love for herps may be drowned out by the sorrow of losing a loved one. it is hard, im sure most of us hear know that. but i garuntee you will regain you pasion for the hobby. trust me :) and besides there are a lot of hot femaler herpers out there ;) so don't give up on us just yet

i wish you the best of luck man

Ryan

[HumphreyBoagart]

Hot female herpers eh?
Hmmm
I don't know if it would be a good thing or a bad thing to find someone with a passion for reptiles too!?!
Should I put a wanted ad up for a hot female herper or what?
just kidding.
Here's my personal ad:

Hello, My name is Craig
I am tall and I have a big snake.
Actually I have several!

Thanks
Craig

[Dave_18]

Lol, you may well have a few replies to that one!!!
I get a lot of comfort from owning snakes when i finished with my ex, it may not be the same being it was three years but it makes me feel like there's still something to feel good about and although it may not be good times right now you can still be proud of the fact that you've tried sorting things out even threatening to give up everything for her!
Take comfort in the things you still have and dont be in a rush to give up everything just to kick yourself over her, im always an ear to talk if you need it, wish you the best of luck!
Dave

[mykee]

Craig, to reiterate what was already said, right now, you really shouldn't be making any last-minute, off the cuff decisions about your love/or not of herps. You're not exactly in the right frame of mind to be doing so. Just keep feeding them, caring for them and keeping them healthy and time will clear your mind from the haze you're in now. I've been through a really tough break-up (not recently though) and I know how the sudden immediate change in your life can fog your better judgement. From experience, time is on your side, don't do anything you'll regret.

[HumphreyBoagart]

Thanks again for your support Dave and Mykee, and everyone who has shown support and offered help through these threads, private messages and emails. It is very overwhelming for me to see how many people care. I wasn't really expecting to get any responses to this matter, I just needed to vent. It is very comforting knowing that when I am sitting home alone, I am not really alone. There are many kind, caring people that will help support me in my time of need, most of which I have never even met. Thank you all, even if you didn't reply, or message me, I still appreciate you reading this.
I know each day is going to get harder and harder as my love grows for her, and I miss her more and more every minute. I just wish I could turn back time, to a time when she was still madly in love with me.
Sincerely
Craig

[Dave_18]

wish you luck mate:(

[RB420]

love truely is an ugly emotion...right when you think you and love are best of friends.....BAM! love turns around and kicks ya in the groin.....and really what can you do?

[corr]

Sorry to hear about your situation Craig. If there is anything I can do to help, let me know! Sincerely.

[HumphreyBoagart]

Thanks Guys, it is appreciated for sure.

Craig

[paul vader]

oops..wrong sign in name...sorry...

[Yve]

ignore previous post:p..my bad...
I usually do not reply to personal threads such as this(heck I usually do more reading then replying in general) but after reading it I felt compelled to do so. I do agree that your emotional state is not the best for making serious decisions, as in, getting out of the hobby. Emotional stress has a bad habit of making people do things they may not truly want to do. I think your willingness to compromise with your girlfriend shows you care, although I don't think that completey stepping away from a hobby you love is fair to yourself. The fact that this is not good enough for her, proves there are more underlying problems. Whatever they may be it is not reasonable for her to keep them from you. Sometimes relationships don't work out, people change. It damn well hurts but there's no reason to show lack of respect towards the other person by keeping truths hidden(especially because she told you there WERE other issues). Thats just cruel. As for your hobby, getting out of it to make someone else happy is really extreme. Thinning it out and making reasonable compromises is one thing. But quiting altogether! This is a part of you, this is what the woman you're with should respect and accept about you. She doesn't have to love it but who says two people need to love the exact same things? I know you are hurting right now, but the pain will become less as time passes, and when you heal you may meet someone who will make you wonder why you ever felt bad about this girl!
take care.

[joey]

.......exactly what yve said. 100 percent.

[rwg]

Hey Craig,

I feel for you. I have been/am going through similar issues since my wife and I separated, so I may have a bit of perspective on it. I'm going to give you some advice...take it for what it's worth.

First of all, it sounds to me like the reptiles are an excuse. It's not "more than just the reptiles"...it's not the reptiles at all. I know it's hard without the closure of knowing why it happened, but dont beat yourself up. Problems are never one-sided. Blame, in all but the most extreme cases, is shared. There may be things you'll think back on that you could have done differently, but it works both ways, so dont dwell on it too much.

Second, make sure your little critters get top-notch care. If you don't have the heart for it, get someone to help. When going through a personal crisis, it's hard to do all the things you need to do. Disinterest can turn into neglect very easily. I know this from personal experience, so I'm just trying to point out that pitfall for you so you dont hit it like I did.

Finally, as trite as it might sound, and as hard as it is to see it now, life goes on. Many people, myself included have been where you are. It's rough but it gets better.

Take care
other Roy

[joey]

nice post Roy--- the getting over it part really sucks. I'm going through all that heartbreak stuff now. Broke up with a fellow I'd been with for 3 years......sniff......some days are better than others and I keep telling myself---'life goes on and on and on and on'....still it hurts like hell.

good luck mate.

[K1LOS]

Personally, i think i would just keep beating myself up over and over again trying to figure out what the real reason is. I think you need to get her to tell you the real reason, and that will help you out a lot. Who knows, maybe the real reason is solvable and reconsiliation could be a possibility. Either way, don't be too hard on yourself, and just give it time.

Geoff

[joey]

...i'd let it go. completely.

[babysweet]

I'm jumping into this thread rather late... and I agree... I don't normally post to personal threads. But I have to add something in from a female perspective.

I've had a few serious relationships... and it is the herps. I look back now at how much I loved and loved, and that TRUE connection wasn't there... because you can have different hobbies, but you need to share the same passion.

My guy is totally into all my critters. We have a menagerie in our apartment, and everyone thinks we're crazy, but we're so crazy for each other, it doesn't matter. She's out there, don't worry. And yes, there are pretty herpers (and I don't just mean pretty boys!). ;)

If it was me, and I was told that any of my critters were a problem, it would be see-you-later. I wouldn't get rid of ANY of my collection for anyone on this earth. It's my passion, and "love me, love my critters."

Don't worry... and don't even consider getting rid of your scaled family. Oh, and for the record... what kid wouldn't LOVE to grow up with a herper dad!? Growing up the "cool" dad on the block was the one with the pythons... :D

Plus, girls who aren't afraid of snakes are cool, and guys who have big snakes are hot. ;) (no, really... snakes... lol)

Kim

[bob2004]

Originally posted by babysweet

If it was me, and I was told that any of my critters were a problem, it would be see-you-later.


I hear people say that a lot, but when it really comes down to it, they would give up some of their herps for someone they love. I find most people speak disingenuously, we need to be more honest. Maybe it wasn't the snakes themselves but the amount of time and fussing you put into them. It's very easy to become obsessed to the point were you won't go on vacation because you worry to much about your snakes. If your spending all your time and money on herps, using every available space in the house for cages and putting your snakes ahead of your partner, few people would tolerate that. I love snakes too, but I would never put them ahead of my wife or children.