how do u convince a husband to get a snake??

[nickykci]

I am having a problem, I want a corn snake, but my husband dosen't even want to hear about it...But I really want this snake!! any one has advice?? lol cuz i ran out of ideas!!

[SerpentLust]

Just go out and buy it. lol That's what I did when my boyfriend was afraid of snakes. Tell him you're doing something for yourself and he doesn't have to touch it or care for it.

:) Maybe this is why I'm single now! lmao
Jenn

[ChristinaM]

Beg and plead and suck up majorly

*** speaking from experience on that one :o ***

[BoidKeeper]

It's easier to beg for forgivness then it is to ask for permision.
Cheers,
Trevor

[ChristinaM]

Originally posted by BoidKeeper
It's easier to beg for forgivness then it is to ask for permision.
Cheers,
Trevor

You know, that is so true.
I hate having to ask permission, makes me feel about 2" tall.
uggggggggg.

why can't I have a herp loving sig. other.:mad:

[Auskan]

I second all of those. Just do it. I hate to have to "ask" for permission like I'm a little kid. If I want to do something and I'm going to pay for it & otherwise be the responsible party, and its not going to negatively impact another person in my family, then I don't ask. I just do it. My family members can choose whether they want to be involved, or take an interest, or not.

[Gregg M]

Hey Nicky,
Just hold out on him if ya know what I mean.....LOL.....

[Auskan]

LOL Gregg....you've offered the best suggestion yet.

[Sunrunner]

I would catch him at a weak moment ;) ask then..... if your good enough you can get what ever you want ;) lol
I had almost 100 snakes at one time ;)
He didnt want one either ;)

[nickykci]

I like the idea of not asking, but i already asked him, and that would make everything worst if i did get it wouldn't it? and believe me, this guy has no weak moments lol hes so stubborn! i dunno...

[Vengeance]

New husband?

[nickykci]

yes, not even 1yr!!

[daver676]

You need to stress the fact that you will accept FULL responsibiltiy for the snake. If it's a simple matter of him being scared of a corn snake, then educate him about the snake. Either that or laugh at him and call him a big sissy. :p

Or you could just go out and get one. It's not like he can break up with you. ;)

[beth wallbank]

I would buy him a large tube of KY and tell him to go grease his monkey. Funny how fast he will give in.

[Sunrunner]

lmfao :)

[elevation24]

I completely agree with everyone else, and especially Auskan. You should not have to ask permission -- you are not a child. Your husband doesn't have to touch it. He doesn't have to feed it, or clean out it's cage, or even look at it. As long as you take responsibility and there are no negative impacts on your family, it's up to you. He's not your mommy or daddy and he shouldn't treat you like a child. Does he ask you permission for everything that he wants to buy?

[drewlowe]

I'm with the rest, if i want it and i'm going to take care of it then it's MY choice, If a man i'm with can't understand that then too bad.

My man that i have now hate cats and dogs, but i've already told him when we get our own place i'm going to have one of them and he's gonna have to deal with it. I'm a animal person and if he's gonna be with me then he's going to have to accept it.

[Cruciform]

Just tell him:

"Honey, I just wanted to let you know that I respect your feelings about me getting a snake, and I completely understand your position. I'm really going to miss you."


:D

[Vengeance]

Originally posted by nickykci
yes, not even 1yr!!

Actually what I meant by "New Husband?" I meant you should get a new one, lol. I mean comeon you've only invested 1 year, cut your losses and move on :p

[C.m.pyrrhus]

I would buy him a large tube of KY and tell him to go grease his monkey. Funny how fast he will give in.

Well, by all means, if he is allowed to have a monkey..then you have the right to have a snake! And what would a monkey need to be greased for? And what is a tube of Kentucky? I must be lost............:confused:

[Vengeance]

ROFLMAO!!!!!

[Pixie]

Unless your husband is severely phobic about snakes, I say go for it. As the others mentionned, you aren't a child and as long as you take full responsibility, I don't think he would have much to say about it. Aside maybe where you keep your snake, i.e. I could understand if he doesn't like it to have it in an area that will always be in his face such as the kitchen, etc.

When my bf complains about me getting another animal, I always bring up his golf hobby. In the three years we've been together I have never complained about anything regarding his hobby and he plays a LOT! So, I bring that up and he leaves me alone. I tell him "Keep nagging me about my pets and I'll have a ball nagging you about your golf when you start up again"

I never hear another word!!!

Pixie

[lolaophidia]

My husband isn't into snakes in the least. I had snakes before I met him and will have snakes after he's gone (not very nice, but women do tend to live longer on average ;) ). He doesn't understand my interest, but he does respect it! He's gotten used to the rats in the freezer and the "guest room" full of snake cages. We both have our own hobbies and interests and don't have to share them if we don't want to. If you can take care of the snake on your own, then it won't really affect him unless he's totally phobic and can't stand them in the house. You never know- after he watches the snake for awhile, it might become more interesting to him. My husband hated cats for years due to childhood allergies and he now loves them (and living with my cats cleared the allergies up strangely).
Good luck- get your snake!

[Delirium]

Do you know why he's so adamant about you not getting a snake? I think that its important to understand this. Is it a phobia? A concern regarding money? A worry that he'd end up looking after it? Just a lack of interest? In my opinion, some of these reasons hold more water then others so it would depend on which one it was.

If its budgetary then he may have a point. Something you guys need to talk about. Maybe you can cut back on some of the other things you do to allow for the costs of a snake.

If its caretaking, then as other people said, you need to ensure him that you'd be the primary caregiver. Have you had a history of animals where he had to pick up the slack? Have you not accounted for vacation coverage? Try and address his concerns and offer him some guarantees.

If its personal like a phobia or a plain lack of interest, then maybe these folks here who are saying go for it are right. Unless there is a functional reason why a person doesn't agree with another person's hobby, they really shouldn't try and impede the process. Still, anything you do that you know will particularily bother him will generate consequences. Are you prepared to live with those consequences? How will they effect your relationship which ultimately should be the most important thing here.

I guess i'm coming at it from the point of view that no person is inherently mean and that he feels the way he does for a reason. Some times it takes a spouse to reign us in a bit if were not thinking things through completely. Of course, were all human so maybe he's working through some phobias or responsibility issues. Either way, you're a team. You're sharing stock so to speak. You guys should be able to compromise your way out of this clash of titans. I think communication is key here and I hope you're able to come to a sound agreement suitable to both of you.

*throws two pennies on the table*

Dee

[nickykci]

thanks for sharing all your personal experiances, I will get one, ill talk to him about it again, and keep u guys posted :D

[nickykci]

He dosen't have a phobia, he just hate snakes, he is from africa, which there, alot of snakes are dangerous, so i get that, but i mean a Corn snake!

[vanderkm]

I disagree with most everyone - I don't think it is a good idea to do what you want without considering your husband's opinion - I think it is a mistake to get a snake and then expect him to 'forgive your decision'. In my opinion, marriage is about discussion and agreement before a major decision, and about considering the other person's concerns and desires, not discounting them. I don't believe you mentioned feeling you needed his permission (I agree you are not a child), but you wanted to have him consider your request.

Aquiring any animal is a long term decision, and even if one partner is primarily responsible, it will have an impact on the other. I think it is up to you to decide how important having a snake is to you, and if it is critical to your happiness, then find a way to help him understand how much and why it matters to you. It would help if you can to be prepared to see his point of view as well, understand his reasons for not wanting one.

Based on my experience, people want their partners to be happy and want to help make them happy. If they realize how much a little thing, like your pet snake, would bring great happiness to you, they will be more willing to support you. Of course, it works both ways - always the challenge of compromise.

Though I appreciate the humor of some of the responses, in my opinion, there is never a good reason to manipulate your spouse. Good luck in deciding what you want to do,

mary v.

[Auskan]

Originally posted by nickykci
He dosen't have a phobia, he just hate snakes, he is from africa, which there, alot of snakes are dangerous, so i get that, but i mean a Corn snake!

I'm from Australia, and there the majority of snakes are not just dangerous - they are downright deadly. I think of the top 10 most deadly snakes in the world, all are from Australia and in the top 20, its 18 or 19. Growing up there, I was very accustomed to coming across deadly snakes unexpectedly, and all it did was increase my respect for them. One time I went for a walk by myself and came literally face to face with a King Brown snake which exceeded 8 feet in length (I was walking along a dirt road that was about 8 feet wide and his tail disappeared into the bush on one side of the road while his head was clear on the other side of the road). His head was only inches from my feet, and I knew that no matter how fast I moved, he could move faster, so I simply stopped and we eyed each other for a couple of minutes then he took off, very quickly into the bush.

Of course, the majority of people there don't love snakes any more than the majority here do, so I'm not saying that everyone has the same response to them that I do. However since it sounds like his response to you getting a snake is based on his fear (healthy respect?) for their danger potential, reassure him that corn snakes do not have that potential, and although any snake CAN bite, corns rarely do, and when they do, their bites are not full of venom. Also, take him with you to a pet store where they have hatchlings, and let him see them as babies, when they look completely harmless. Let him see you or a store employee handling one. Getting one as a hatchling and letting it grow up with you, may seem less formidable, than it would if you started out with a 4' cornsnake which would more likely remind him of the snakes he ran into in Africa.

[Optimus Prime]

I jsut broght mine home and the GF freaked out for a bit but when she calmed down and let me educate her about it she was fine.

[Edwin]

Release some mice into your home ;)

[sleddergirl]

I agree with that Mary had to say. My husband made sure I was ok with him getting the iguanas, before he actually got them. We have always made those type of decisions together. I think its only fair as both of you live in the home, both should agree on the animals in the home. Unfortunately my husband has also made it very clear that he is dead set against snakes in the house. I would love a corn snake but his mother is deathly afraid of them, basically if there is one in the house, she will not visit nor babysit for us. Puts me in a difficult position because I know he likes snakes, he handles the one at my store all the time, but he just won't give in because of his mom's phobia.

[Yness]

Okay its time for my two cents...

I think that as a married couple you should consider what your husband said because of the partnership that marraige is.

That being said, my father who was afraid of snakes came for a visit. He knew full well that I have snakes and he spent the first day not going near them. Then one day he walked out of the bathroom to find my 11 year old step brother handling one of my king snakes! Well the "man" in him took over and before he left his "fear" of snakes was gone.

I can't say that the same thing would happen with your husband as I really don't know what he is like, but taking him to pet stores or even if you can get him to a herp show seem like a viable option. Expose him to how harmless these snakes are.

Also buy a book or sign one out from the library if you can. Read it and ask him to read it. Education is the key! Maybe you can do more than get him to "allow" you to have a snake....maybe you can share this as a hobby!

Yness

[Sunrunner]

I agree with Mary as well in all seriousness, I don't agree however that your husband will not even discuss it with you, it should work both ways.
My father in law is from Africa as well and he doesnt mind our snakes he just can't understand why I would pay for them and keep them in my house, they pay alot of money there to get the out of the house.
What part of Africa is he from?
Kim

[DataRipper]

i am still laughing over all this monkey talk..lmao.. get the snake.

[Gregg M]

What would be a good reason for not wanting a snake in the house????? The only reason I can think of is an unnatural fear of them....... A fear can be gotten over...... A love for animals and snakes is something that is with you for ever........ Your husband should be more understanding an let you do what you want and get over what ever hang up he has about snakes...... I wont even look at a girl if she did not like reptiles or aleast repected what I do..... I will not give up my hobby for anyone...... I make that very clear from the begining....... I take my dates to the zoo....... The ones that say "yuck" in the reptile house never get a second date....

[retic]

let him get something that he wants (sports car, big screen tv) you know, bribrary works

[KingFfaj]

Originally posted by C.m.pyrrhus
Well, by all means, if he is allowed to have a monkey..then you have the right to have a snake! And what would a monkey need to be greased for? And what is a tube of Kentucky? I must be lost............:confused:
you greace the monkey so it does odd jobs for you. like opening jam jars:confused: derr?

[nickykci]

Originally posted by Sunrunner
I agree with Mary as well in all seriousness, I don't agree however that your husband will not even discuss it with you, it should work both ways.
My father in law is from Africa as well and he doesnt mind our snakes he just can't understand why I would pay for them and keep them in my house, they pay alot of money there to get the out of the house.
What part of Africa is he from?
Kim

He is from Togo :-)
The problem with my husband is that when i try to talk about getting a snake, all he sais is NO, he dosent give his reasons, just no, and never wants to talk about it, it pisses me off, i'd like to at lease get a reason. I want to bring him in a pet shop and show him a corn, but i never saw a corn snake here in our pet shops... i know some ppl that have some, but they are a long drive away...
I know this is serious, we are married, and he lives with me, so even though i will do everything the snake needs, clean it, feed it... he will still see the snake. And i don't want to get one, and have to give it away! then again I am not a child, and I should be able to make that decision myself.... so as everyone can see, I am really confused!!!

[meow_mix450]

he doesnt have to know, hide it, untill he finds out, when he does say i couldnt stop my self, or someone got you a gift, and so on....
good luck lol

Meow

[Ducksarefun]

I thought perhaps I would stand up for your husband, since pretty much everyone who has answered your post loves snakes and can't comprehend why people don't want snakes in their house. I do not like snakes. If my boyfriend brought one home, knowing full well how I feel I would be offended. I could not live comfortably knowing there was a snake nearby that might get out of its cage and pop up out of nowhere when I least expect it. The thought makes me shiver. I think it would be disrespectful of Jason to put me in that position.
I understand also what it's like to want something, and its worth working at, but I don't think when you are commited to someone that you should make big decisions like that without consent.

[meow_mix450]

wouldnt that be a fear, i beleive she said she said that her husband hates them not scared correct me if im wrong lol. But yes i can see what you mean, thats why i cant have anyone my mom wont let me, cause she doesnt want it to get loose....

Meow

[sapphire_moon]

Tell him that if he won't give you a reason besides "no i hate snakes" then say fine, if your not going to give me a reason, then i'm just going to get one.


I agree that it should be something that is discussed. But I really don't see a corn snake as this huge purchase, unless you are getting an expensive morph.

They are pretty cheap to house (rubbermaid), substrate is cheap/free, and toilet paper tubes can be used as hides! all this under 20$
The most expensive thing would be the UTH (assuming you don't have one) and the food, over the years, and the snake it'self (anywhere from $20 and up)


Put the snake in a room that has a door, put a rubber stopper on the bottom of the door, and make sure no spaces are there so a baby corn can't get out. That way if it does get out, it will stay in the room. (providing there are no holes out anywhere else).

[meow_mix450]

what about heat vents???

Meow

[Bighead]

I lost one in a heat vent when I was little. Unfortunately, I found it there a few weeks later and it didn't smell very nice.

[ChristinaM]

Originally posted by nickykci

The problem with my husband is that when i try to talk about getting a snake, all he sais is NO, he dosent give his reasons, just no, and never wants to talk about it, it pisses me off, i'd like to at lease get a reason. I want to bring him in a pet shop and show him a corn, but i never saw a corn snake here in our pet shops... i know some ppl that have some, but they are a long drive away...
I know this is serious, we are married, and he lives with me, so even though i will do everything the snake needs, clean it, feed it... he will still see the snake. And i don't want to get one, and have to give it away! then again I am not a child, and I should be able to make that decision myself.... so as everyone can see, I am really confused!!!

You are right, you are married, blah blah blah. But he needs to give his reasoning for not wanting one in the house. And if it's a good reason, then its something you both need to talk and hash out. But, and I would tell him this, "NO" is not an acceptable reason, be upfront with him and put your foot down so to speak. Either he tells you the reason or you go and get it. Then if he has a good reason, hoperfully he will tell you.

I've gone through, and continue to go through this with my half. I respect his opinions, and his only reason is " I feel overrun by reptiles and fish". That is not a good enough reason for me, considerring, he has absolutely NOTHING to do with them. Yes there's critters in most rooms in the house, but.....it looks good.

Wow, I'm getting OT ( onto me LOL ).

But there's my opinion, take it for what its worth :)

[nickykci]

WOOHOO, ok, well here i am so far: I talked to him again about all this, and this time he said he would think about it, I said ok, thats fine, But promise me one thing, that you'll do some research with me on corn snakes.... So NOW I need GOOD RESEARCH WEBSITES!!! on corn Or King snakes.... Please if anyone knows of good ones, POST!!!

[sps]

I am not a herp person myself, I have only started to check out this forum at the request of my herp-loving bf. When we first started dating, I was VERY uncomfortable with all of his snakes (particularly the venomous). Over time, I have grown to care about them like my own pets.

Most of this is due to the fact that my bf has made an effort to educate me about all of his pets. He routinely brings me books and sends me links about his animals (I really like the field guides and care manuals-- anything with pictures...) Also, the more that I help out with his animals (feeding, cage cleaning, etc.) the more I care about them. All in all, it has not been a quick process, but I have grown to care about the animals and hope to continue learning about them... oh, and I am thinking about getting a lizard myself...

Good luck!

[Lisa]

Pick up the corn snake manual. Oh and when we have a corn that bites us we have to be watching to notice...

[sapphire_moon]

try going to www.corn-utopia.com/ Its Kathy Loves website, she also breeds and sells corns. also, try picking up "The Corn Snake Manual" by Kathy Love

go to google.com and type in "corn snake care sheets" with the little " " and all it will bring up a lot of different care sheets on corns, do the same with king snakes.

[seann]

cornsnakes.ca cornsnakes.com ************** and this site all have good care sheets

[nickykci]

JUST TO LET EVERYONE KNOW, MY HUSBAND FINALLY SAID YESSS!!!!!!!!! Thanks to everyone that posted, u've all been helfull, ok, maybe not the posts about the monkey lol but u know :P

[m1k3_88]

congrats on him saying yes:) and good luck with picking out a corn

[meow_mix450]

good luck, and congrats. Wut changed his mind lol

Meow

[Dani33]

Congrats. I also have a non herp loving hubby. I just throw a tantrum or pout and I eventually get my way ;)

[nickykci]

i just talked to him, told him that it's a hobbie for me to take care of a snake, and told him that i didn't approve of all his hobbies, but he still did it. So the finally caved in lol

[Dani33]

I was jk about the above post. We talk about it every time I get something. I basically explained that it was a hobby for me and that it made me happy yadda, yadda. He's pretty good about it. For sure get the corn snake manual. It's pretty good. Please show pics when you get the little tyke. What morph are you considering?

[nickykci]

Yeah, i ordered the book today, should get it next week, I have to contact a guy I know about finding a corn, but i hope i can find a albino okeetee :)

[Sunrunner]

Congrats :) have fun with it :)

[condabroad]

Just bring the corn home it will grow on him. When my hubby brought one after another home until we hit thirteen I got totally pissed then they all became my pets to and now I couldn't live without them. Good luck!

[meow_mix450]

lol tru, probly will grow on him, always try new things;)

Meow

[nickykci]

Hey I was the one who started this post, and Just to let everyone know, i finally got my 1st corn snake :-) He is a anery Motley, got him from Trevor on ssnakess.com (BoidKeeper). I only had him for a week now, but so far so good! Named him Tiko, i'll try to post a pic...

http://pics.horseland.com/pics14/horse4495314.jpg

[treegirl]

Yeah!!!! :)


tree

[jjnnbns]

Congrats! Little did he know that he's gonna be seeing a lot more snakes in the near future now!

[Bartman]

Congrats..i got one of those too recently!

[hhw]

That's a gorgeous little snake. Congrats!!!