View Full Version : Playing with fire?
Not that Im in this situation or anything:rolleyes:
But....
Lets just say you went out one night and met someone whom you REALLY like, and they like you just as much. You and this person are having a great time, chatting, giggling, hugging, kissing, etc.. And at the end of the night this person tells you "I need to be honest with you, im married", but would really like to see you again. My question is what would YOU do? Go out again? Or avoid a potential problem?
I understand there are married people who use this forum and although I think there opinion might be a little biased, no offense, I am still curious of what you may have to say.
ohh_kristina
11-01-03, 07:12 PM
Personally, I would not go out with someone who was married (unless they were seperated) if it was more than a friendship type date. Imagine being their spouse. Someone you committed your entire life to is going out on a date with someone else. I'm sorry, but that would break my heart in two.
But, whatever floats your boat :rolleyes:
First of all I would not touch that one with a ten foot pole!
U know the old saying " lots of fish in the sea" so leave that fish a lone and go fishing in some other watering hole.
Good luck,
Jazzey
Solid Snake
11-01-03, 08:10 PM
Originally posted by Jazzey
know the old saying " lots of fish in the sea" so leave that fish a lone and go fishing in some other watering hole.
Good luck,
Jazzey
i hate that saying sooo damn much. not every girl out there is perfect for me...
what if that girl was married and she was my type, well hell yea i'd hit it again.
I wouldn't , thats exactly how to F up their loved ones life, and if they have kids then there can be a divorce and all that stuff. Just think about the consequences.
RepTylE
11-01-03, 08:39 PM
I wouldn't go out with a married woman for the simple reason that I want a relationship with a future or none at all. And I don't like sharing where my lovelife is concerned. Not having to worry about a jealous hubby trashing my car is yet another consideration.
Originally posted by ohh_kristina
Imagine being their spouse. Someone you committed your entire life to is going out on a date with someone else. I'm sorry, but that would break my heart in two.
But, whatever floats your boat :rolleyes:
I agree with what your saying but obviously this other person no longer feels the same way as they did when they got married. For all you know the person that your interested in could be physically abused by thier spouse. Most likely that isnt the case, but ya never know
Originally posted by Jazzey
First of all I would not touch that one with a ten foot pole!
U know the old saying " lots of fish in the sea" so leave that fish a lone and go fishing in some other watering hole.
Good luck,
Jazzey
Jazzey,
I have to agree with Solid Snake. Sure at any given time you can go, walk into a bar, and pick out several women that you would love to take home and do your thing with. But, most of time thats all you want them for. I think the "lots of fish in the sea" theory is thrown out, especially in a situation where getting laid isnt the first or only thing on your mind.
DarkHunter
11-01-03, 10:48 PM
Im against cheating and thats what shes doing. I can pretty much guarantee you her husband has no idea whats going on. here are my points
A) if hes abusive, she shouldn't be with him anyways....but how do you know he's abusive...if shes just looking to get "some" maybe shes trying to make you feel bad for her? maybe not but its an option
B) How do you know if you date her shes not just going to do the same thing to you later down the line when she gets sick of you?! i mean shes doing it now what's to stop her later on?
and C) What if theirs kids involved?
Anyways just my $0.02
~Shannon
sapphire_moon
11-01-03, 10:52 PM
I would never get involved with anyone married. If they did it once, they will do it again just my opinion. If the person is not happy in their current relationsip let them work it out with their spouse, then if they still want to be with you, then go for it. Just my opinion.
Reticman
11-01-03, 10:52 PM
Hey man..if shes willing to put out and your willing to possibly get your A** beaten by getting caught then go ahead. I was in the same position my sophmore year of college. All she wanted to do was get a room and F**K a few times a week...I was not going to have anything to do with that...it just opens a can of worms thats all
I would never do that in a million years. I couldn't live with myself for doing that. But there is the argument that if that person wants to see yo uagain it's obvious their marriage is going down the drain anyway so why can you be the one to do it if it's gonna happen anyway? Know what I mean? I don't personally agree with that though.
IMHO It's not your fault she is married, you are not, she has obviously made the decision to see other people and its her own choice. If maybe you brought up the situation with her maybe you'd find out she is doing what she wants, or has an open relationship, or her husband is a jerk.or maybe they aren't close anyways, a million scenarios.
My point is if its not you it will be someone else. Get in while you can. LMAO. :D :)
Marisa
cpt_retic
11-02-03, 12:41 AM
Have fun with the sloppy seconds bud.....but all I got to say is that if I ever found out someone was f$$king my wife , I would beat the hell out of you. I'm not talking just an a$$ beating . I would kick down your door and beat you within an inch of taking your life. Then make you thank me for the beating that you got.
my 2 cts
Sunrunner
11-02-03, 01:23 AM
Cheating is wrong for a million reasons, but the most important of which is its adultery. Plain and simple. It is wrong, wrong, wrong. Why put yourself in the situation of being a tool in some one else's marital problems. You put yourself at huge risk for what "hitting it".
If your just looking to hit then I have to disagree with Solid Snake because you don't need a "type" for that..every woman has a *****. And a married woman looking for it outside of her hubby. Well she probably has one that you don't wanna be near. Find a woman that can give you something more than grief. Unfaithful married ppl are just tons of trouble besides the usual problems associated with sex you are now bringing into play a jealous husband and the fact you are "sharing this woman" with at least one other person, don't forget she 's still doing him even just to make sure he doesn't catch on to her other life.
This is way more crap then it's worth...and if like previously mentioned she is telling you she is experiencing marital trouble then she needs a friend and support NOT an affair. I don't believe just because some one did it once they will do it again ppl do learn their lesson but I do believe is some one is willing to continue to do it and not end their previous relationship then they are heap of bad news and lacking a better word a skank.
They will bring you nothing but trouble in the end. Adultery is a terrible thing that hurts everyone invovled eventually and never underestimate the lose of control a husband may have when he finds out. It could be your Azz or even your life. It has happened many times before.
Just my 2 cents...hope it worth something to you.
Sunrunner
11-02-03, 01:24 AM
One question Cpt Retic why would you beat his *** it's not his fault your wife is cheating. I always found that kinba strange it's her doing it not him. He may not even know she's married. Go figure.
tai_pan1
11-02-03, 07:36 AM
Tread carefully my friend! There are a lot of unknowns in dating a married person. Maybe they have an open relationship and it's ok with both parties and then again, maybe not. Read the newspaper. There are always stories of someone getting shot, stabbed or beaten cause they got caught messing with someones wife/husband. When peoples emotions are involved it's hard to say what will happen. Use common sense. Do not allow your emotions to over rule your common sense.
Good luck.
Mike
There's cheating and then there's open relationships. If they're in an open relationship and they're offering what you want (a fling every so often), go for it. If it's not what you want, walk away.
Phox, if you've ever been cheated on, you would have never asked that question. I for one, respect the sanctity of marriage, whether she does or not. It's not only morally wrong, but you settin' yourself up for the a$$-whuppin' of your life if the husband finds out, and he mostly likely would. See you on "Unsolved Mysteries". Hypothetically speaking, or course.....
reverendsterlin
11-02-03, 02:16 PM
could be an open marriage, you never know. But I would never seriously date a married person if I was looking for a long term monogamous partner. I mean how could you trust someone that cheats with you not to cheat on you.
drewlowe
11-02-03, 02:18 PM
I would never in a million years cheat on somebody. I've had it done to me and it hurts. If i ever catch someone cheating on me again you better belive my boyfriend (soon to be ex) would get his a$$ kicked by me and if his little fling has any thing to say she would be next (unless if i knew her then she would get her a$$ kicked right then along with the guy because she knows he's taken already). Cheating is so wrong and i can't see why people dont have enough control not to do it. If you don't want to be with that person how hard is it to just leave. It's not hard at all (cause i've done that before) ya it will hurt the other person to call it quits but it hurts a lot less than finding out that they have a parter that cheated on them!!!!!!!!
Wuntu Menny
11-02-03, 02:21 PM
Speaking from personal experience:
"RUN LIKE HELL!"
You don't want to involve yourself in the situation regardless of your feelings for this person.
WM
Well...Ive always tried carry the,"Treat others as you would like to be treated", idea with me. But as we all know, sometimes, in certain situations, its hard to control your emotions. In general, its easier to sit back and tell someone, you need to do this, or you need to do that, then to actually be in that situation and make the right choice. Of course if I was married and found out my wife was cheating, I would be livid! As Sunrunner said, I think It would be wrong in kicking the guy's ***. It wasnt his fault, your wifes the one to blame.
I understand my best bet in this situation is to probably avoid this women. And I agree with the point of, how can you trust this women if shes cheating on her husband with you.
mykee,
I've suspected being cheated on, and trust me I was'nt very happy about the whole situation. But as I said in my orginal post I was more curious of what others would do in the same situation. I wasn'nt exactly looking for suggestions.
lolaophidia
11-02-03, 02:25 PM
I'd find someone else to get involved with, this mess is too complicated. If you didn't have your doubts you wouldn't be asking the question. Being the third wheel is not the situation you sound like you want. Even open relationships have a catch... you're sharing with everyone. If the person is looking for an out in their relationship- great- let them get up the guts to get out on their own without involving you. If they aren't interested in leaving their spouse to be with you, you are just a diversion to what ever problem they are having with their spouse. If they are willing to leave their spouse for you, then a commitment doesn't mean a whole lot to them. -BTW, I'm married, so my opinion is a little biased...
Good Luck!
Addicted_2_Herp
11-02-03, 02:31 PM
avoid a potential problem dude...... give her your number so if they end up breaking up you guys might have a fling...cuz the women I merry if she cheated oooo Ill hunt that punk down and turn him in a nice target for my rifle
You must run...Run so very far away from that trouble-some woman!
Sunrunner
11-02-03, 05:17 PM
Don't forget also by being actively invovled with a married person you could be potentially helping hurt the other partner very deeply. That isn't the kind of mark I would want on my record when I get called to account. It is simply demeaning to your own character to be knowingly invovled in an affair. lacking better words just tell that bitch to keep walking.
One other thing, is it really worth your health not to mention your life to get all involved with a married person? You could get Aids from this person.
Sorry for my rant.
Jazzey
do whatever you want man, but im telling you, do a bit of research and find out who her husband is and if he has a gun.
Well...As of right now I dont see any harm in just knowing her. She goes to the same bar as I do every Wednesday(Tommorow), so I'll see her then. Anyways, Ill try and get a better idea of why she's seeking out another man. Its not gonna take much for me to tell her to hit the road. The last thing in the world I need right now is a jealous husband with a short temper and an itchy trigger finger. So, we'll see what happens but Im not gonna put myself in harms way(Ya never know), especially for someone I dont know all that well.
Crotalus75
11-04-03, 09:02 PM
BAD situation......trust me. Worse than you know.... So many factors involved in that situation......people WILL be hurt badly. It's one of those decisions that you or the other person may regret for the rest of your lives. If there are children involved they WILL be hurt. Eventually there will be no way around that. And don't flirt with disaster. 99.9% of us can't handle the temptation. Run from the situation completely.
crimsonking
11-04-03, 09:20 PM
Like cement shoes? Seriously, I've always been of the mind that if she's cheating now, what will stop her from cheating on you?
".......if they catch you in the back seat trying to pick her locks, they're gonna send you home to mother in a cardboard box" " "You better RUN" (Pink Floyd --well, sort of)
How do you know if you date her shes not just going to do the same thing to you later down the line when she gets sick of you?! i mean shes doing it now what's to stop her later on?
One of the most meaningful things said in this post.
crimson king!! hell yeah man... I'm blasting floyd right now.
whoa... I'm actually listening to that exact song.
Tim and Julie B
11-04-03, 11:03 PM
I'm sure you deserve better than this. Besides, ever see the movies that start out this way, then she insists her husband will kill her when he finds out, then she gets the "new" guy to take him out and the "new" guy goes to jail and she goes off with Pedro the pool boy? Ya, um, you're not Pedro......Run away really fast and get a good girl:D
Julie
LOL...Julie good analogy! Hey maybe I am Pedro :cool: HeHe
NO..........how would you feel if you were the other person(the cheated-on)
Chas*e,
I was just kidding. Besides, Im not the one cheating on my wife/husband. As I said a few posts ago, I will feel her out(You know which way I mean that) and take it from there. Most likely nothing more will happen. I do not need the excess baggage that would come along with this women.
How would I feel if I was being cheated on? Well for one I would realize its not the rest of the worlds responsibility to not sleep with my partner so he cannot cheat. Of course people shouldn't go around sleeping with married people but in the end the person in the relationship is the one holding the responsibility and the one who can make the choices that will effect your relationship. Is it a strippers fault when a married man pays for a lap dance? No. It's the partners fault for deciding to do something that is not o.k. with his partner. Again, I don't agree with sleeping with married people but I certainly don't agree that the third person has anything to do with a marriage or relationship falling apart. Only two people can cause that to happen and thats the people in the relationship.
Marisa
i do what munchy said if this guy has a gun or is stronger than you. well you get the idea it wont be worth youll be sayin that while your gettin hurt if you do. it i dont think cheating is right really but i would be furious i wouldnt be able to control my language and beet the sh*t out of the guy.
and man if she has kids i would really stop not even think about it
JasonBrennan
11-06-03, 08:22 PM
It really does not matter if the husband is stronger, has a gun, a huge knife collection or is a demolitions expert. He could be a tiny little guy with just one arm, blind in one eye and terrified of his own shadow....but mess with a man's wife at your own risk. All he has to have is enough money to hire someone, if you catch my meaning? Granted, if you don't know or have any reason to suspect the woman is married, then you can't be held responsible (not that the husband would give a damn if you knew or not), but in this case you know full well that she is married.
I don't buy the whole "my marriage sucks" or any of those excuses people use for cheating. If the marriage is that bad, get divorced!! Just my thoughts (I would never mess with a married woman...except my wife, of course!!)
liltattyprinces
11-07-03, 08:26 AM
Just MHO Been there my husband was sleeping around with just about everything with 2 legs and a heartbeat, and you know what, i was the last to find out, I know someone whos married and we would be perfect , i think for each other, but hey just can't go there cuz i know how it feels to be on the recieving end of the lies and betrayal, so i am a good friend to this person listen to the probs in the relationship and hey if i ever have my chance , meaning that the marriage has ended then and only then would i persue something just my 0.2 cents
Mr.Lizard
11-09-03, 03:00 AM
In my opinion both of the people involved in an extra-marital affair are cheaters cheating on the FAITHFUL spouse.
If you know that person is married you have no business getting yourself involved in such a situation.
As mentioned before,if they'll cheat WITH you,they'll cheat ON you. Besides,you'd be showing a tremendous amount of disrespect to the faithful spouse not to mention becoming a contributing factor in the dissolution of their marriage which may have just been going through a rough patch.
Being a friend to someone who is having problems is a world of difference from taking advantage of this person's confusion and frustration.
"Hitting It" just because she's offered it seems to me very selfish and immature.
if you are of jewish or christian faith (I can't speak about any other religions because I haven't studied them as extensively, but it would definetly be bad karma) and you are serious about your faith it's not something you would want to do anyways. My rule of closed relationships (when i've been single) has always been that they leave the person first then they get me.
casacrow
11-09-03, 11:00 AM
Bad situation dude! My good friend came home to find another man in his girfriends bed about a year ago. My buddy is a small and normally harmless character. They locked him up for one year for what he ended up doing. They guy that was with my buddy's girl did not make out too well in the situation and is still recovering. I would hate to hear of something like that comming your way in this situation.
I've been there and done that. When I found out she was married I hit the door running.
No not all relationships are life long some are just friends with benefits but is that really a friend you want. What kind of friendship can be based on lies and deceit. You know she is capable of it. How can you honestly look this person in the eyes and think that she is telling you the truth. You never can.
As far as the husband goes, don't judge a book by it's cover. If you corner any animal it will defend it's self. Emotions do crazy things. Break a mans heart and who knows what he is capable of.
Weather1
11-09-03, 02:20 PM
A few years ago I dated a married women. I did not know she was married at the beginning. I was intorduced to her at a pub and the relationship started. When I found out she was married, about 6 months later. I asked her about it and get this...it was her husband that introduced us in the pub. They later told me that he also had a girfriend. They were both open to it. They say it made there love life better, being with other people. So it is not always bad.
Gary D.
11-09-03, 02:26 PM
Normally I don't even touch this kind of thread, but I'll indulge for a change.
I'd say hey, stay social and have a good time publically. Once you cross the line and start seeing her privately you are likely to get your thumped on. My wife and I are social opposites, meaning she always has been outgoing and flirtatious, where as I am an antisocial reclusse. I want her to be happy and am completely comfortable with her going out to the bar and mingling and having male friends. But she knows the line too, and I trust her not to cross it.
Unfortunately for her some guys avoid her like the plague because they she's married, and others become edgy and nervous once they meet me.
Thanks for the replies.....
Well first off I would just like to clarify my interest in this women is NOT driven by hormones. The last thing on my mind while with her, was sex. I really enjoyed being with her and just plain talking. Its very unfortunate, for me, that she is married. But as of right now the fire has fizzled. She never showed up the other night. So I take it hubby found out or something, who knows. Apparently, from what ive heard, she frequents the same bar as me, but this was my first time seeing her up there. If I do see her again, I see no harm in being friends with her.
Who knows why she was seeking another man!?!? Maybe he IS abusive, or maybe she was just looking for some attention!?!?
*Paints Target on Chest*
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt, wife, step-kid, three additional kids, and a sixth anniversary this month. She was married when I met her, and I knew it. She told me he had an alcohol problem, was an emotionally abusive man, and was starting to become physically abusive, after only one year of marriage. I was able to verify independently that he did have an alcohol problem, and seven years later, he is being emotionally abusive to his new wife, and is starting to become physically abusive with her, as witnessed by my step-daughter every other weekend.
I am glad my wife and step daughter were able to get out of that situation. They have a much better life now than they would have had they stayed there.
Should you do it? That's up to you. I'm not telling you it was easy, or even morally right, but in the end it was the best for all. It can work out.
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