beth wallbank
10-14-03, 06:37 PM
NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN
> > >
> > > The Food and Drug Administration has just announced the following
>drugs
> > have
> > > been released for trial in the US. These are the newest medications
>for
> > > women, available only by prescription.
> > >
> > > DAMITOL - Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8
> > hours.
> > >
> > > ST MOM'S WORT - Plant extract that treats mom's depression by
>rendering
> > > preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
> > >
> > > EMPTYNESTROGEN - Highly effective suppository that eliminates
>melancholy
> > by
> > > enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you
> > > couldn't wail until they moved out.
> > >
> > > PEPTOBIMBO - Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed
> > > before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence,
>and
> > > improves flirting.
> > >
> > > DUMEROL - When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ
> > causing
> > > enjoyment of country western music.
> > >
> > > FLIPITOR - Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road
>rage
> > > and the urge to flip off other drivers.
> > >
> > > MENICILLIN - Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance
>to
> > > such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. Can we do it
>now?"
> > >
> > > BUYAGRA - Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases
>potency
> > > and duration of spending spree.
> > >
> > > JASKASSPIRIN - Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember
>your
> > > birthday, anniversary, or phone number.
> > >
> > > ANTI-TALKSIDENT - A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on
> > anyone
> > > too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
> > >
> > > SEXCEDRIN - More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now,
>dear,
> > I
> > > have a headache," syndrome.
> > >
> > > NAGAMET - When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation
>as
> > > nagging at him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of
>doing
> > it
> > > herself.
> > >
> > > The Food and Drug Administration has just announced the following
>drugs
> > have
> > > been released for trial in the US. These are the newest medications
>for
> > > women, available only by prescription.
> > >
> > > DAMITOL - Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8
> > hours.
> > >
> > > ST MOM'S WORT - Plant extract that treats mom's depression by
>rendering
> > > preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
> > >
> > > EMPTYNESTROGEN - Highly effective suppository that eliminates
>melancholy
> > by
> > > enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you
> > > couldn't wail until they moved out.
> > >
> > > PEPTOBIMBO - Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed
> > > before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence,
>and
> > > improves flirting.
> > >
> > > DUMEROL - When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ
> > causing
> > > enjoyment of country western music.
> > >
> > > FLIPITOR - Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road
>rage
> > > and the urge to flip off other drivers.
> > >
> > > MENICILLIN - Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance
>to
> > > such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. Can we do it
>now?"
> > >
> > > BUYAGRA - Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases
>potency
> > > and duration of spending spree.
> > >
> > > JASKASSPIRIN - Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember
>your
> > > birthday, anniversary, or phone number.
> > >
> > > ANTI-TALKSIDENT - A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on
> > anyone
> > > too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
> > >
> > > SEXCEDRIN - More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now,
>dear,
> > I
> > > have a headache," syndrome.
> > >
> > > NAGAMET - When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation
>as
> > > nagging at him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of
>doing
> > it
> > > herself.