Dad problems please help

[jaybox_reptiles]

Hi all i no this dosent beong here but i really need help: Well all of my life me and my dad have been real close well for the past few months it seems like we are just drifting apart and loosing our relation ship and its got me down real bad and it is all because of me smoking and he has none for the past 2 years but for some reason it been really bad for the past few months and he isnt talking or nothing any sugestions to help me get threw this problem ? beside quiting smoking ive alreasy tryed it thx

Jay

[SerpentLust]

Talk to him....tell him exactly what you just typed, that you're worried you two are drifting and you don't want to drift...

Jenn

[jaybox_reptiles]

ive done that already but i guess it is worth it to keep trying to talk about thx

Jay

[Lisa]

See a councilor @ school.

[Tim and Julie B]

Quit smoking, it's not worth the problems it creates. I know, I've been there.

[dank7oo]

i agree .. quit smoking ...
my sister has the sam problem .. she smokes and it has hurt her relationship with my parents ... it causes health problems and what not so ...
good luck with your dad

Jason

[LISA127]

Originally posted by dank7oo
i agree .. quit smoking ...
my sister has the sam problem .. she smokes and it has hurt her relationship with my parents ... it causes health problems and what not so ...
good luck with your dad

Jason

smoking is a horrible, dangerous habit. but in no way should someone let it affect their relationship with someone they love. if you love someone, you accept them, faults and all. i can see alcoholism coming between ppl, but smoking? come on! sure, if you don't like it, have the person smoke outside, that's not a problem. but it should end there. not ruin a relationship. that's just ridiculous.

but if we are talking about young children here, that may be something different. i am not sure on everyone's ages here.

[Tim and Julie B]

Alcoholism and smoking are both debilitating addictions. Both are frowned upon by most of the population. I grew up in a household where one parent was an alcoholic, a smoker and a drug user, and the other parent only ever smoked. Neither can beat their addictions. Both affected the way I grew up, equally. When most other parents didn't have these problems, (only 15%of the population has a drinking problem, 48% has a smoking problem), it became enbarassing when one HAD to go out to smoke regardless of whether or not I was reciting my poems, essays, or class works. All the other parents and kids took notice, and I got teased. So do you really think that smoking has no effect on relationships? And why does it matter whether or not we are talking about children or adults? Drugs are drugs no matter who uses them. I would never judge anyone because of their faults, but I have lost many a friend and family member to every drug abuse you can name. Just a little something for you to think about.

JB

[dank7oo]

smoking is a horrible, dangerous habit. but in no way should someone let it affect their relationship with someone they love. if you love someone, you accept them, faults and all. i can see alcoholism coming between ppl, but smoking? come on! sure, if you don't like it, have the person smoke outside, that's not a problem. but it should end there. not ruin a relationship. that's just ridiculous.

but if we are talking about young children here, that may be something different. i am not sure on everyone's ages here.


you contridicted yourself SO many times in that one post - lol
my parents love my sister, just have given up on trying to raise her with rules to bide by. he has done drugs, she drink, she smokes, and they have had enough. they have even threatened to call the police on her for domestic violence (which i dont see why they dont) ...

Jason

[sapphire_moon]

Second hand smoke kills to! Quit smoking, causes way to many problems, is bad for you, everyone your around, and your animals/reptiles and any other critter you may keep around.

[Solid Snake]

why the hell do people start smoking, argh

could u tell us why u started, this boggles my mind. I mean, c'mon the label says WILL give u lung cancer and a bunch of crap.

[mykee]

Last I checked, this wasn't a thread about smoking, it was about a strained relationship between father and son. Keep the soapbox speeches to yourselves. I was a smoker, I quit. Woopity doo for me!! Hero cookies all around. Smoking is a bad habit, yes. Should a PARENT be so immature as to let ANYTHING, let alone smoking strain a relationship? No. Unfortunately, I've been in a situation where a disagreement over a decision I made seperated me from my mother for 8 years and counting. I'm over it, I have my own life now. I MADE closure for myself a long time ago. To be honest, not the best thing in the world to have a parent disown you over a stupid arguement. Don't let it go that far. If you have to be the mature one, step on up to the plate. It's worth it.

[LISA127]

Originally posted by Tim and Julie B
Alcoholism and smoking are both debilitating addictions. Both are frowned upon by most of the population. I grew up in a household where one parent was an alcoholic, a smoker and a drug user, and the other parent only ever smoked. Neither can beat their addictions. Both affected the way I grew up, equally. When most other parents didn't have these problems, (only 15%of the population has a drinking problem, 48% has a smoking problem), it became enbarassing when one HAD to go out to smoke regardless of whether or not I was reciting my poems, essays, or class works. All the other parents and kids took notice, and I got teased. So do you really think that smoking has no effect on relationships? And why does it matter whether or not we are talking about children or adults? Drugs are drugs no matter who uses them. I would never judge anyone because of their faults, but I have lost many a friend and family member to every drug abuse you can name. Just a little something for you to think about.

JB

First of all, drugs are mind altering substances. Therefore, altho addicting, cigarettes do not qualify as a drug. And second, when did u grow up? Because when I was a kid, most parents smoked, and no one, and I mean no one, was embarrassed that their parents smoked! I work in a school, plenty of parents still smoke. And none of the kids with smoking parents get teased. And third, age matters because if we are talking about a 12 year old kid who is not abiding by his parents rules, then yes, it is going to affect their relationship. If we are talking about a 25 year old who smokes, and the parent is letting it affect their relationship, they are being ridiculous and only hurting themself.

I lost my father 6 years ago. I also had stretches of time when we were not talking. Believe me, it's not worth it. You end up regretting every minute u lost. So if a person can't just "quit", love them and accept them anyway.

By the way, there is a big difference between someone coming home drunk from a bar, and someone coming inside from having a cigarette outside. Again, the mind-altering thing.

[LISA127]

Originally posted by dank7oo
you contridicted yourself SO many times in that one post - lol
my parents love my sister, just have given up on trying to raise her with rules to bide by. he has done drugs, she drink, she smokes, and they have had enough. they have even threatened to call the police on her for domestic violence (which i dont see why they dont) ...

Jason

Hello???? In your original post, you just mentioned she smokes. No mention of drugs or drinking. And was I supposed to know she was a minor living at home? For all I know, she could have been grown and living in her own apartment.

[Infectrix]

jaybox,

first of all man, no one's gonna make you quit smoking. you're gonna quit when you find it's time to quit. whether it be due to you hacking your lungs out every morning, coughing up blood, or something like you smelling bad all the time, or not being able to financially support the habit.

everyone knows what smoking cigarettes leads to and alot of people continue to smoke despite the consequences. and you know what i say to those who choose to smoke? have another one....

()___))__________)..?

Now, back to the original matter at hand. I'd confront your pops about why you guys are drifting. If you were really close at one time, you're probably not far apart at all. I'd drill him about it and I wouldn't let anything slide. It shouldn't be hard at all man 'cause I think confronting family members is alot easier than confronting friends and the like. And this is your dad man, I'm sure you guys have a bond.

What's the worst that could happen? Your dad ends up socking you in the face. Friends who fight over stupid sh*t sock eachother in the face! So, no. Your dad ends up spanking you. Nope. Your dad disowns you and kicks you out of the house. Well if you and dad were pretty close at one time, I couldn't see that happening.

[DarkHunter]

Jay

Im not going to tell u how bad smoking is, its a really stupid habbit, im trying to quit myself. You said your father has known for 2 years now that you have smoked and its starting to really affect him now? Perhaps he is stressed out about something else and is looking for a reason to take it out on. Oviously this issue is bothering him alot and seems like a good way to take out some frustration. You should try to quit smoking, but do it for yourself! The best thing to do is sit down and talk to him. Maybe ask him how hes feeling and if there is anything you can help with, Good luck and keep us posted!
~Shannon

[drewlowe]

I'm in a slight way in your situation I haven't really talked to my dad in 6 years. A few times but not many. Mine are from different reasons (step B!tch). Before it gets to late try to talk with him now. Tell him how you feel if not you could prolong it and lose all the valuble time you 2 could have. If you at least try to comunicate with him you know that you have done your part and tried which is better than nothing. I wish everyday that i could call my dad and patch things up but i know it will never work until she's out of the picture.

Me and my mother almost had a huge falling out. What i did with her is. I got her alone just me and her and we both let it all out for hours. I'm talking everything even from childhood. It came down to the point where she said she would just leave and we would never talk again. So i laid it on the line and asked if that's really what she wanted I told her that's not what i wanted but if thats how she felt then alright. I explained to her that if that happend she would never see me or her future grandchildren ever. Hitting her with the grandchildren thing really hurt her, i think it got her thinking we needed to patch things up. A few months after that we were getting along better than we ever had and it's still going strong after 7 years. I don't know what i would do if i didn't have my mother here with me!!! Sometimes it helps both sides just to get it all out and in the open.

[Pixie]

It really sucks that this is happening... Like others have mentionned, having a good talk with your dad is definitely in order. Hash everything out and don't let it just be done in a few minutes. Find a time and place where you can talk with your dad alone for an afternoon and evening just the two of you.

It sucks that it seems to be the smoking issue that is causing this rift but I can understand where your dad is coming from especially if he used to be a smoker himself. He's personally lived through the addiction and finally was able to kick it only to see you doing the same mistake he did... A parent only wants the best for their kids and this is a situation that I would imagine is quite hard to deal with...

I think he doesn't want to be "okay" with your smoking habit for fear that it would be a form of acceptance from him. If he lets it slide it would mean he's fine with it which he's not and I think he just doesn't want to give you that message ever. I can understand that....

You say that you've tried to stop smoking but can't... I know it's hard, trust me!!! I'm tackling that battle shortly after being a heavy smoker for more than 15 years. If you think it is a tough battle now, it only gets harder and harder the longer you wait.

I really don't want to sound preachy about smoking as it's a personal choice and battle for each of us. But you are seeing a different side effect from the habit that you didn't think would happen and that just goes to show you that it's just not good from whichever way you look at it. There are consequences that reach farther than the health aspects of it.

I myself feel embarrassed about my habit when I'm with non-smoking friends. I have to make them wait for me while I'm outside puffing on my smoke because I can't wait, and then I come back in all smelly... Can't be too pleasant. The fact that they worry about my health just makes it even more embarrassing because I know that they are right.

I wish my parents wouldn't have accepted it when I started as it might have influenced me to stop it back then and not get into the mess I'm in now with cigarettes... Don't know if it would have worked for sure but it would have been nice if they would have put their foot down about it and stuck to their guns about how they felt about it.... Personally, I think it's a good incentive as I don't think I would have let my relationship with them suffer because of it...

You have two battles to face... Trying to fix your relationship with your dad and to stop smoking...

I wish you the best of luck in both

Pixie

[jaybox_reptiles]

Hi all thx for the help and hints i have tryed to quit and i cut down from 2 pax a day to half a pack but anyways i sat down with my dad and we talked it over and i guess bolth of us have just really been stresed but we are bolth putting in an effort to help each other threw this idiotic fight thxnk you all again

Jay

[DarkHunter]

Happy to hear things seem to be getting better jay! You got through the hard part, if anything hopefully this will bring you closer together :)! Oh and congrats on cutting back! ;)

[jaybox_reptiles]

thx

[dank7oo]

Hello???? In your original post, you just mentioned she smokes. No mention of drugs or drinking. And was I supposed to know she was a minor living at home? For all I know, she could have been grown and living in her own apartment.


that still does not mean that you didnt contricdict yourself .. which you so blatenly did

[lordkovacs]

perhaps your father has a particular reason for being so against you smoking besides the obvious. Maybe he knows someone that has died of lung cancer? Perhaps he's having difficulties with it, aside from thinking it's gross... ie. bad dreams, visions, etc. What I'm getting at, is that you are assuming that his dislike of smoking is that it's simple dissaproval, when he could in fact be very scared about it for whatever reason. Speaking to a counsellor is a good idea.
Cheers and good luck!
MIKE

[mykee]

Congrats, and hope everything works out.