Guide for Men

[unknownclown]

A MAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A WOMAN IS REALLY SAYING:

I JUST NEED SOME SPACE.
.... without you in it.

DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?
We haven't had a fight in a while.

NO, PIZZA'S FINE.
.... you cheap slob!

I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW.
I just don't want you as a boyfriend now.

I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
I can't believe you have nothing planned.

COME HERE.
My puppy does this, too.

I LIKE YOU, BUT...
I don't like you.

YOU NEVER LISTEN.
You never listen.

I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE.
I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I
know you will.

OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF.
I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going dutch.

OH YES!!! RIGHT THERE!!
Well, near there; I just want to get this over with.

I'M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS.
We're gonna make fun of you and your friends.

[BoidKeeper]

This has no place on this site. They are sexes and offensive.
Trevor

[lordkovacs]

but funny at the same time. haha...

[BoidKeeper]

That may be, but this is a public forum and the jokes are targeting one particular sex more then the other, alienating them if you will. The women on this site don't come here to be subjected to this sort of thing. They come here to talk herps. If people want to share these sorts of jokes between themselves that's their business, but when they’re put out in the open it exposes everyone to it. Yes this is a public forum but the public who come here have a certain expectation of the threads content given the nature of the site. Whether someone finds it funny or not is not my concern. My concern is that it does not belong on this site. I don't talk herps on a site intended for political discussion just like I don't talk about politics here.
Cheers,
Trevor

[Colonel SB]

Jeez Trevor lighten up dude it's funny...Good one Clown :)

[jaybox_reptiles]

that was great thinx for sharing that sry you dont like it boid hahaha that was great lol

[SCReptiles]

This has no place on this site. They are sexes and offensive.
I second that motion. Jolly good show Trevor. We are both offended. Ha ha

[Siretsap]

Trevor, it's a free country, relax!
they were only jokes.
Maybe you should talk about herps on a political place, maybe it would make them realise a few things :-p

[Dozer]

The fact that its a free country has nothin' to do with it, thats non sense. IF this offends people... and I see how it can be, then respect that fact. I find it good. But I also respect the others' opinions.

[lilyskip]

As a girl, I think it's funny rather than offensive :) And IMHO, it makes fun of *guys* for being kind of inept morons as well as women for being difficult to communicate with. :D

[Rebecca]

What about all the other one other people have posted on here??? You never got mad about them.

[SCReptiles]

What about all the other one other people have posted on here??? You never got mad about them
What? Where have you been? I have been offended at all of them. =)

[Siretsap]

I second what SCReptiles said, he is always snappy ;-p

[SCReptiles]

he is always snappy ;-p
I demand an apology! =)

[Siretsap]

lolol, as usual
I think he is the guy with the most posts on ssnakess. He is everywhere!

[KingJaff]

Originally posted by lilyskip
:) And IMHO, it makes fun of *guys* for being kind of inept morons ...:D
ooh that was harsh..Reasons it's great to be a guy:


1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
4. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
5. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
6. You can open all your own jars.
7. Old friends don't give a crap whether
you've lost or gained weight.
8. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
9. When clicking through the channels, you don't have
to stall at every shot of somebody crying.
10. All your orgasms are real.
11. You don't have to lug a bag of useful
stuff around everywhere you go.

[BoidKeeper]

Trevor, it's a free country, relax!
I am relaxed. It's only a free country until your actions impeed upon the rights and freedoms of others. I get stuff like this in my email all the time and laugh at it. I'm not overly offended by it I just think that this site and forum is not the place for that kind of Joke because it may cause problems for the site if someone does get truely offended. By keeping the subject matter to that intended for the site then problems can be avoided. If no one has a problem with it that's great, enjoy. I still don't think that it belongs, my opinion. If people want to make jokes at the expense of the oposite sex have at it. Who am I to ask you all to respect each other.
Cheers,
Trevor

[jaybox_reptiles]

man this is stupid y is every one arguing over somthing as pointless as this ok boid keeper it was just a joke and for every one else yes it may have efended them but as far as i am consernd if it affended them then the need to........... well be normall and get their feelings off their shoulders

Jay

[BoidKeeper]

Jay,

I'm not arguing with anyone, just stating my opinion on this topic, no more no less. People can do 1 of 3 things, agree, disagree or disregard. It's just that simple, no big deal, no hard feelings. Everyone replying so far seems to be cool with this being here good for them, I'm not, good for me. I said it was ofensive and that I felt it didn't belong here. I never attached the person who posted it or those who are in favour of it staying, nor will I. We're all just expressing opinions.
Cheers,
Trevor

[Jeff_Favelle]

What exactly does this have to do with reptiles?

[Zoe]

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Mine too, unless the guy from work with a crush on me wants to talk for longer!

2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
Who wants to see a nekkid guy? Not me! ;)

3. A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Same here!

4. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
I don't have any friends, couldnt say!

5. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
I don't use public washrooms... hehehe

6. You can open all your own jars.
Okay, got me there!

7. Old friends don't give a crap whether
you've lost or gained weight.
*Refer to #4

8. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
I'm too cheap for that!

9. When clicking through the channels, you don't have
to stall at every shot of somebody crying.
I don't flick through channels in the first place... boy that drives me nuts!

10. All your orgasms are real.
hehehe...

11. You don't have to lug a bag of useful
stuff around everywhere you go.
Like what?

:D
Seriously though, while I don't find this sexist to either sex in particular, I do agree that anything that could be percieved as sexist, racist, etc. has no place on these forums!

:)
Zoe

[KingJaff]

lol

[jaybox_reptiles]

o well i have fogoten it now i dont really care what people think lol

[Bryce Masuk]

LMFAO I AM HIGHLY OFFENDED You women didnt even get the best Flaw's of us "evil cheating bastid's"
The best things about being a man

Are leaning against the wall while taking a leak

When you talk there is no code at all it means what it means

there is no back stabbing we stab each other right in the face thank you :)

Guys cant be called "skanks or sluts" The more women you have sex with the more bragging you can do :)

you find the simplest things entertaining such as football and boxing or cat fights :) :) :)

You dont wear make up or do your hair if clothes smell clean they are clean :)

You dont need 10 pairs of shoes you have a new pair and a old pair

You dont shop the first thing the fits no matter how ugly or stupid it looks on you You buy it quickly and run to your car full speed

YOU DONT HAVE A PERIOD OR CHILDBIRTH however if you get a woman pregnate you will pay for it in B!tching

the end

[KingJaff]

**TUMBLEWEED** **TUMBLEWEED**
*WIND* *WIND*
wwooooOOOOOooooooooOOOOOooooo!

[Invictus]

Originally posted by Bryce Masuk
You dont wear make up or do your hair if clothes smell clean they are clean :)


LOL... you've never hung out with the Goth community have you? hehehehe

[norman]

Some people here are a little over zealous when it comes to jumping all over any minor, slightly un-PC mis-step. Most of these jokes were dumb and non-applicable in 90% of women, but who cares? Seriously, there's a person or two on this site that need a foot massage or something. Take a bubble bath. Does this really offend you that much, or has it come to people LOOKING for excuses to rant and pontificate? There's a difference between real sexism, racism, or any kind of hurtful generalization, and a cheezy joke. Seriously...bubble baths...they're nice...

[unknownclown]

Im sorry Boid keeper if I in anyway offended you or anyone else I just posted it because I thought it was funny and figured maybe some here would as well. If thats not the case Mods feel free to delete move or what ever is appropriate.

As far as what this has to do with herps youre all right absolutely nothing, and again it makes no difference to me if it is moved or deleted. Ive seen tons of these posts before and figured Id contribute as well. If that's considered innapropriate well then I will have to try and avoid encouraging anyone to crack a smile again here... or... maybe throw a snake into the mix to make it herp related :p Hows that? I can do that if thats all it takes ;)

In all honesty though (and please dont be offended by this) the phrase "lighten up" comes to mind.

I dont get the sexist thing are you implying its offensive to men or women? and if thats the case once again Im sorry that was no my intention.

[Batdad]

Originally posted by Zoe


9. When clicking through the channels, you don't have
to stall at every shot of somebody crying.
I don't flick through channels in the first place... boy that drives me nuts!


:)
Zoe

I don't understand:confused:, it drives my old lady crazy as well:p


P.S. I don't buy the no friends thing though:)

[norman]

You know what, don't worry about it, you've done nothing wrong. This is the General discussion forum, there's a million of these posts, and this one wasn't any more offensive than previous ones. The only reason that this post would be deleted is because of what other people turned it into.

[unknownclown]

Im thinking perhaps you may think that Im a guy posting this and taking a stabs at the women out there ???
If thats the case let me assure you I am female.

http://www.ssnakess.com/photopost/data/500/1365more_of_me.jpg

[norman]

I knew that from the beginning (avatar). People just need to lighten up.

[BoidKeeper]

" maybe throw a snake into the mix to make it herp related"

unknownclown;

As long as the snake is not menthioned in any inapropriate way or made fun of, or discriminated against then it's fine with me. :)
Cheers,
Trevor

[Bryce Masuk]

I forgot to say this if people Are offened by this I am offened by you being offended :)

[Zoe]

Guys cant be called "skanks or sluts" The more women you have sex with the more bragging you can do

Okay, now THAT was offensive! ;) Not that I mind! I've been called worse, after all!

And yes, channel flicking bugs me very much! Even during the commercials! I mean whats the point of watching tv if you only see 20% of each show? Just put it to one channel and leave until the show is over! ARG! :D

Oh and for the record, I HATE romance movies/shows! As soon as I see a woman going all lovey I change the channel! Unless, of course, she's a few seconds from being naked, in which case I'll endure the fluffy mush!

Zoe

[BoidKeeper]

I forgot to say this if people Are offened by this I am offened by you being offended
Well then I'm offended that your offended that someone maybe offended!
There that ought to do it!
Trevor

[Bryce Masuk]

well then I am offended by you being offended that I am offended by you being offended
Times a billion and 2 ;) you know I am kidding but in all honesty what I sadi was just as stupid as being offended by this if it bothers you so much dont read these threads I wont force you :)

And Zoe "s soon as I see a woman going all lovey I change the channel! Unless, of course, SHE'S A FEW SECONDS FROM BEING NAKED, in which case I'll endure the fluffy mush!"

Interested In Naked women Eh? I guess you dont need us anymore ;)

[BoidKeeper]

well then I am offended by you being offended that I am offended by you being offended
Alright I give up you win. You're more offended then I am.
Peace,
Trevor

[SnowSnake]

I found all these jokes really funny (they are jokes, not there to make fun of any sex but to make us laugh), but what i found the funniest was that guys are arguing about offending the female sex :P.
This forum is the best! :D.

later all.
SnowSnake

[Jeff_Favelle]

What did you just say about female sex?

:p :mednormal

[Steeve B]

let me assure you I am female.

Sorry but these pics don’t prove a thing!
Ok just kidding!!! (Steve being pulled off computer by wife)

[T.O-SK8TER]

There is a lot more in life to talk about other than reptiles. Just cause its a herp forum doesnt limit us to discussion about herps. Ive seen people writing posts about tatto's, other pets, jokes, music, etc. People need to relax when a post is not about reptiles. Personaly I think they are looking for something to complain about because I myself do not know anyone who gets offended by sexiest sterotypes. I think thats because male or female we all understand how and why these stereotypes are created.
Peace Out
l

[Dark_Angel_x322]

One of my friends just sent this to me and I thought this would be a good place for it. :) Remember this is all just in good humor.

> > >>SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART I

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

> > >>SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART II (JUST WARMING UP!)

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

> > >>SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE, PART III

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a ******** baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong"

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the
cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s***..."

Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

[Dozer]

Oh boy... :eek:

[Pixie]

I was really surprised to see that some were offended by this joke thread. I've seen plenty on this forum beforehand that received no comments so I don't understand why this thread would invite such, shall I dare even say it, controversy.

This is the general discussion forum where we can post about things that aren't related to herps. For those who come here just for herp related talk, they should avoid the general discussion forum! If you don't like it, don't read it!

All this politically correct stuff is really getting to me. It seems that nowadays you have to be extremely careful about what you write for fear of offending somebody out there. Of course I am against any true demeaning of a particular group wether it be age, sex or race. But lighthearted jokes are lighthearted jokes.

Dark Angel: Great jokes! I can't wait to see how offended people are about those!!! I personally don't take any offense to them even though I am blonde :) but I can imagine that some others will.

Pixie

[daver676]

People being offended by this little stuff is exactly the reason that Pepsi won't put "Under God" on there pop cans. See thread:

<A><HREF>http://www.ssnakess.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=21811</A>

THey are only jokes. Lighten up. You'll make the world an easier place to live in!

[telecomandy]

All I can say to this "offending " of people is this........ "if you don't like what it is you're looking at or reading..... look away and/or do something else". I've seen more than my share of "offensive" crap out there that anyone and everyone could be offended by...... and you know what...... life goes on....... get over it

[lordkovacs]

isn't this a general forum where, "if there is no other forum for it, anything goes." or something to that effect. I don't think anything wrong was done here. we all get those emails. when we get them some choose to read, some delete. it's your choice. Same goes here...when you first open this post and read the first line, everyone that has email can tell you what the rest of the post will be like. you could then decide to hit the back button and that's the end of it. The reason this stuff is so popular as forwards, is because many people enjoy them. And before you say that it's different because email isn't the same as a reptile forum, you are wrong. it's a way to communicate. nowhere does it say you have to speak mainly about reptiles in the general area. I posted about "sars-stock" last week. Was that wrong as well? The general forum to me is a more socializing forum. If you want to know something specifically related to herping, there will def. be a more appropriate forum...this is more a social one...at least to me it is.
Thanks,
MIKE

[Lisa]

It's not political, it's not religious, it's not attacking anyone, yeesh, loosen up and laugh a little.

[hudson]

Personally I found Unknownclowns jokes hillarious because the mojority of them are true.

I know I've used some of those lines in the past.

Kate

[TheRedDragon]

I'm not in the least offended by this material...I find it hilarious, because, well, I have a sense of humour! ;) I mean, one can't take life TOO seriously, laughter is a very healthy thing. :) Shouldn't this forum be about having fun and supporting each other, not bickering about a silly joke?

[Oliverian]

Yea... I use the "I'm not dating right now" one. But mabye thats because I'm actually not dating... Hudson.. yea I agree.. we do actually use a lot of those for real.

[Bartman]

i think so jokes are some of the funniest things i have ever heard. I liked that huge list of them..comedy at its best;)
you guys gotta seriously learn to loosin up...its just a joke!

-Peace-
-Bartman-

[Mr.Lizard]

That's funny stuff,sexest jokes are hilarious because mostly they're true. BTW, Unknownclown is a HOTTIE!
Oh,I'm sorry...is that sexist? :D :D :D

[snakelover111]

lol thats halarious

[snakelover111]

lol thats halarious

[OttawaChris]

Cripes... I could say that I love my mother and someone would be offended by it (probably Chuck lol j/k)

Why can't people take something for what it is... friendly ribbing!! I could see a fuss being put up over a racist joke or something mean or dirty being posted here... but come on! This joke was harmless (and quite funny I might add)

What I dont get (and never will get) is why people get offended on behalf of other people. Life must be a drag with skin as thin as that LOL its not our fault you used to get beat up for your lunch money ;)

I am sure I have offended someone by now... so if I have I will give a generous offer since I am in such a great mood... I am going to allow the offended person a chance to choose which one of my butt cheeks to kiss :P