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Doug 351
08-12-13, 05:57 PM
Man I've got a ton of them, but after reading the rules, well-I got nothing.
Well maybe one for now-they'll get better later when I recall the ones suitable for mixed company.
Two kids were talking about the facts of life.One asked the other if he had heard about the birds and the bees.He said no but he knew about salmon swimming upstream. The other kid asked what happens when they swim upstream. So the other kid replies "I'm not sure exactly, but it must be pretty bad because they're always getting caught and put in the can.
smy_749
08-16-13, 09:17 PM
Whats the point of this thread? and what in the hell are you talking about?
Doug 351
08-16-13, 09:26 PM
Whats the point of this thread? and what in the hell are you talking about?

My bad- thought this was the JOKE section. And what the heck is your prob?
Mikoh4792
08-16-13, 09:43 PM
I like turtles
Doug 351
08-16-13, 11:08 PM
I like turtles

ME TOO! They taste great! Just kidding, I caught two baby red eared sliders one time and raised them up to about 12" shell size then let them go. (Outa grease that day. ..Jk)
smy_749
08-17-13, 02:01 AM
didnt realize people posted in this section. kinda forgot we had it actually. my mistake, makes sense now, carry on
Lankyrob
08-17-13, 03:18 AM
Bananas!!!
KORBIN5895
08-17-13, 05:32 AM
didnt realize people posted in this section. kinda forgot we had it actually. my mistake, makes sense now, carry on

And here I thought you were practicing anal insertion with pineapples again....
smy_749
08-17-13, 05:55 AM
And here I thought you were practicing anal insertion with pineapples again....

I haven't done that in months bro, don't bring up my past for the public to see...
KORBIN5895
08-17-13, 06:18 AM
Lol. You remind me of a Greek friend of mine that was learning Spanish. The first phrase he wanted to learn was "Hello, you are beautiful." What they actually taught him was "Hello, I frack beautiful goats." His nick name became The Greek Goat Fracker.....
smy_749
08-17-13, 06:20 AM
Lol. You remind me of a Greek friend of mine that was learning Spanish. The first phrase he wanted to learn was "Hello, you are beautiful." What they actually taught him was "Hello, I frack beautiful goats." His nick name became The Greek Goat Fracker.....

I'll take that as a compliment
Doug 351
08-17-13, 09:15 AM
Lol. You remind me of a Greek friend of mine that was learning Spanish. The first phrase he wanted to learn was "Hello, you are beautiful." What they actually taught him was "Hello, I frack beautiful goats." His nick name became The Greek Goat Fracker.....

LMAO- Reminds me of one that is barely forum legal (could be blocked)....
An Evangelist was living with a tribe in Africa. A woman gave birth to a white baby. The chief had him brought to him. "You are in big trouble! "The Evangelist tried to explain:"It's not mine it's an Albino. ) The chief didn't know what that was."You are the only white man that has been with us for a year. "
So the Evangelist looked out and happened to see a flock of sheep."Albino, a freak of nature. See those sheep out there, how they are all white, but there's one black one? "
The chief thought a second-"Tell you what-you don't say no more about that sheep and I won't say no more about that baby."
Mikoh4792
08-17-13, 11:22 AM
LMAO- Reminds me of one that is barely forum legal (could be blocked)....
An Evangelist was living with a tribe in Africa. A woman gave birth to a white baby. The chief had him brought to him. "You are in big trouble! "The Evangelist tried to explain:"It's not mine it's an Albino. ) The chief didn't know what that was."You are the only white man that has been with us for a year. "
So the Evangelist looked out and happened to see a flock of sheep."Albino, a freak of nature. See those sheep out there, how they are all white, but there's one black one? "
The chief thought a second-"Tell you what-you don't say no more about that sheep and I won't say no more about that baby."

Ohhhhhhhhhhh snap
Doug 351
08-18-13, 03:29 PM
Viewer discretion advised:
If you're not fairly familiar with American football, this won't make any sense:
T-Bone was a Cajun living in Louisiana until he died and went to hell.After a while the devil went to his room to see how it was going.
To his surprise, he found T-Bone drinking beer and watching TV."Aren't you hot?" asked the devil. "Nope-seen hotter in Spring back home. "
This made the devil mad so he cranked up the heat. He went back and found T-Bone drinking iced tea in a lounge chair.
This infuriated the devil so he decided to take a different approach. He made T-Bones room so cold ice formed on everything.
Once again he was amazed when he checked on T-Bone. He was drinking champagne and dancing. What is up with you! -demanded the devil. T-Bone replied:
"THE SAINTS DONE WON THE SUPERBOWL, THE SAINTS DONE WON THE SUPERBOWL, HOT D@M, THE SAINTS DONE WON THE SUPERBOWL!!!!"
infernalis
08-18-13, 07:26 PM
This one is real facts of life funny, have to share it.

Went camping this weekend with my grandkids.

We had a bag of roasted peanuts in the shell to snack on, and my yougest GD Alivia is only 2 1/2 years old, and her pronounciation of penut sounds exactly like penus.

So we are all sitting there when she professed "I really like putting penus in my mouth, they are yummy."

I about shat where I sat.
Terranaut
08-18-13, 07:31 PM
My nephew at Christmas 19yrs ago. We knock on the door at 1pm Christmas day. He answers the door in his pjs(he was 4) and says " I got a big d!ck" we are like "really" he says "yeah I got a big ockey d!ck (hockey stick) " still funny every time I think about it.
Doug 351
08-19-13, 10:45 AM
If you ever get to Atlanta Georgia, make sure you visit Dicken's Fruit Stand.Great fruits and vegetables but the best thing is their world famous apple cider. For some reason it is particularly popular with the ladies.
I've heard some can't go a day without some Dicken's Cider.Others like it occasionally. Even my mom has some Dicken's Cider and enjoyed it very much.
TheZoo
08-19-13, 04:27 PM
If you ever get to Atlanta Georgia, make sure you visit Dicken's Fruit Stand.Great fruits and vegetables but the best thing is their world famous apple cider. For some reason it is particularly popular with the ladies.
I've heard some can't go a day without some Dicken's Cider.Others like it occasionally. Even my mom has some Dicken's Cider and enjoyed it very much.

it took awhile then it was just ooooooh
Hannibalcanibal
08-19-13, 04:37 PM
If you ever get to Atlanta Georgia, make sure you visit Dicken's Fruit Stand.Great fruits and vegetables but the best thing is their world famous apple cider. For some reason it is particularly popular with the ladies.
I've heard some can't go a day without some Dicken's Cider.Others like it occasionally. Even my mom has some Dicken's Cider and enjoyed it very much.

I just about died laughing.
Mikoh4792
08-19-13, 05:22 PM
If you ever get to Atlanta Georgia, make sure you visit Dicken's Fruit Stand.Great fruits and vegetables but the best thing is their world famous apple cider. For some reason it is particularly popular with the ladies.
I've heard some can't go a day without some Dicken's Cider.Others like it occasionally. Even my mom has some Dicken's Cider and enjoyed it very much.

lolololololololololol
Doug 351
08-20-13, 12:32 PM
Three old men were sitting around talking:
The 60 yr. old said"You know I really miss taking a good leak."
The 70 yr. old said"What I really miss is taking a good poop."
The 80 yr. old said" Every morning I take a good long leak about 6 am.Then about 7, I have a good crap.What I miss is waking up before 8."
marvelfreak
08-21-13, 06:17 PM
Three old men were sitting around talking:
The 60 yr. old said"You know I really miss taking a good leak."
The 70 yr. old said"What I really miss is taking a good poop."
The 80 yr. old said" Every morning I take a good long leak about 6 am.Then about 7, I have a good crap.What I miss is waking up before 8."
http://www.animated-animation.de/Free-Animation_free-animated-Smiley-Gifs/www.animated-animation.de_smiley_3d_gifs_animiert_gif_clip-art_icons_01_600x400.gif
Pirarucu
08-21-13, 08:59 PM
http://www.animated-animation.de/Free-Animation_free-animated-Smiley-Gifs/www.animated-animation.de_smiley_3d_gifs_animiert_gif_clip-art_icons_01_600x400.gifThat is quite possibly the creepiest smiley I have ever seen.
Doug 351
08-22-13, 05:14 AM
Best country song ever-when this song first aired the story was it was an impromptu performance recorded in a local club.Maybe someone can post a link to it.Google up life sucks then you die. Then look for life sucks then you die-The Fools.It's worth it.
Edit:I just found a performance of it on You Tube. The above search will only get you the lyrics.